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Local Rebel
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-21

Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

0 posted 2000-10-23 01:22 PM

He slept in a shadow
she gently
peeled
drawing strata back
washed in sweat
tears
he tossed and she
sat by near
with no immunity
she lay exposed

there is no life
exempt
from grief
not his
or hers
but she saw him
sleeping in a dream
and whispered spells
lest he slip
from the melee

and he dreamed
wet and seething
until his pelt
steeped the fever
and when the chills
ladled him
from theology
she lay naked
against him
in a thermal press
adamant
to breathe this shadow
into hers

he woke
wiping shadows
it was a good
mourning
but now
time to embrace the day
in her eyes

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2000-10-23 02:01 PM

LR - you are outdoing yourself today...this is so very sad....just as you meant it to be...and touched my heart right...here...

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...KRJ

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2000-10-23 02:24 PM

Rebel--your words are so unique and creative...

there is no life
exempt
from grief

until his pelt
steeped the fever

and when the chills
ladled him
from theology

in a thermal press
adamant
to breathe this shadow
into hers

Well, as you can see...I loved the whole poem..and then, killer ending!

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

3 posted 2000-10-24 03:37 AM

Reb,
WoW WOW WOW!

WOW

Be well
Kethry

Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.
Gail Sheehy

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2000-10-24 03:46 AM

Reb, this is just so fantastic...I just know it sounds trite, but every line, can't pick one...each is essential...gotta echo the wow's in here...inspired.

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

5 posted 2000-10-24 05:38 AM

Can't help it.....but I must say it too:

WOW

Charisma

doreen peri
Member Elite

since 1999-05-25

Posts 3812
Virginia

6 posted 2000-10-24 09:42 AM

quote:
she lay naked
against him
in a thermal press
adamant
to breathe this shadow
into hers

and

"but now
time to embrace the day
in her eyes"

this is a truly beautiful piece of poetry... sunshine said she thought it was sad....but i don't read sad... i read something almost spiritual within a physical realm of love... the only verbiage in here that hit me as sad was the play on words with "mourning" but i read there was a waking up to memories which will be carried on ... or something like that.. but not a sadness... actually, exactly the opposite.. unless i read it wrong (??)

your poetry is always so rich in language and imagery... there's so much to it that it often takes several readings to enjoy the richness (and sometimes, i've even asked for a translation, huh? lol)

excellent read, Wing'ed Rebellious Poet.... thank you!

Alle'cram
Senior Member

since 2000-02-28

Posts 1816
Texas

7 posted 2000-10-24 11:42 AM

oh this is powerful writing!! We can surely learn a lot from you. Marcy

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