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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #10 |
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Sydney on Sunday morn |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
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Air buzzes about the room the bed does a U-turn morn sneaks in a kiss and I stir a blur of the night gone by my ears tingle beyond the window the click of human chatter, cars and buses zoom hurriedly between buildings of glass, of metal that reach for the suns warmth unawares, I'm caught as church bells join in harmoniously, joyously praising the day prying open my eyes I listen attentively to the sway of its song and rise to discover an old sandy-gold place of worship sadly surrounded by cold mirrored walls smiling, I thought Thank Christ Angel of Darkness 17/10/2000 < !signature--> "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (edited 10-17-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Dark Angel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Moonshine Member
since 1999-10-01
Posts 265Australia |
Wow! As always M, your writing is awesome - well done. You really captured the buzz of Sydney - it reaches out to me from my computer screen and flows freely. Keep up the great writing. |
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Moonshine Member
since 1999-10-01
Posts 265Australia |
Wow! As always M, your writing is awesome - well done. You really captured the buzz of Sydney - it reaches out to me from my computer screen and flows freely. Keep up the great writing. |
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BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919New York, USA |
Wow DA, I felt as if I were there. Beautiful piece, great images. Bonnie |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
hey J, thanks hon for your lovely reply  I appreciate it so Hi Bonnie, thanks very much gladyou enjoyed it Maree "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
'I stir a blur' - 'Sandy gold' I like - great word images - sounds like me before my OJ - glad you didn't wake up atop the bridge ~G~ |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
A beautiful picture, dark one....and a fantastic close |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Maree--Oh, so this is Sydney...sounds wonderful, a little like L.A., don't you think? |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
DA~ Good grief! This is fantastic!  You really took me there. -SEA |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
DA~ Never been to Sydney but you took me there for a while...thanks Great piece of poetry little one Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
prying open my eyes I listen attentively to the sway of its song and rise to discover an old sandy-gold place of worship sadly surrounded by cold mirrored walls smiling, I thought Thank Christ ========================= this is very lovely Maree... sometimes our greatest realizations... are found in the smallest of moments. you have captured the moment and the depth of feeling perfectly excellent work .. very cool too  take care angel poet jm |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This is quite a postcard, Maree...I love your style, you know that? The images are crystal...and the "feel" of it translate...loved your ending too...am I impressed? Bet on it, my sista!!! |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Hmm - Definitely interesting - the poem is well written in with the imagery, but I also find a lot of (intentional?) undertones here which almost belie the implied peace. One that will require re-reading and a bit mreo thought methinks. Well done Maree! C [This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 10-18-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
maree what's wrong!!! i find myself in total agreement with chris!!!!! i need to come back to this - it needs more time. you are really very good yanno MP |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Very thoughtful as always Maree.... the ending seems almost contradictory...hmmmmm Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Air buzzes about the room the bed does a U-turn morn sneaks in a kiss and I stir a blur of the night gone by >>> pretty excellent opening maree .... draws me straight in with some original and very easily "relateable" imagery my ears tingle beyond the window the click of human chatter, >>> still good i think ..... "click of human chatter" was maybe stretching imagination just a little but nothing wrong with that.....lol cars and buses zoom hurriedly between buildings of glass, of metal that reach for the suns warmth >>> this seemed a little mundane after the fizzy opening. "zoom hurriedly" and "suns warmth" particularly uninspiring ......and it should be "sun's" btw.....! unawares, I'm caught as church bells join in harmoniously, joyously praising the day >>> again i can live with this ....lol ....but it doesn't have quite the "bite" of the first lines prying open my eyes I listen attentively to the sway of its song >>> could you clarify "its" ? what does "its" refer to - on the face of it it should be the "church bells" but that wouldn't be grammatical .....did you mean to refer to "the day"? and rise to discover an old sandy-goldplace of worship sadly surrounded by cold mirrored walls >>> starts to get interesting here and "old sandy-gold" is inspired ....well done! smiling, I thought Thank Christ >>> heh heh a nice ironic little closure ..... what makes this so good for me is that the reader is left with doubt.... the "sadly" of the previous stanza contrasts confusingly with "smiling" in the final one, which promotes an uncertainty in the way in which we interpret "Thank Christ" - is there piety here or pure mischief? or even a bit of both? Is the speaker openly rejecting the religious symbol and thereby religion itself, or is she maybe more straightforwardly expressing thanks for the last remnant of morality in otherwise wall to wall materiality? I suspect neither of these extremes is the "real" state of mind .... interestingly i conclude that the very contradictions of the language in the closing lines reflects the contradictions that the speaker herself feels about these issues ... >>> but maybe that's because "i can look inside you head" (song and artist please maree??)...~smile~ >>> in summary ........ great top .......great bottom ....... middle needs a bit of tweaking philip |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
I am finding it harder as days go by not to think about Australia, I have a few loved ones over there. why does it have to be so far away? well I am saving up to buy a pair of wings to fly there. DA, thanks for the tour through Sydney. Sounds like a wonderful place, beautifully penned poem. "an afixiation a fix on anything the line of life the limb of a tree the hands of he and the promise that s/he is blessed among women". Patti Smith |
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