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Open Poetry #10
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Let's Make a Deal....
| Open Poetry #10 |
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Let's Make a Deal.... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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I hear his voice WILL YOU TRADE FOR WHAT IS BEHIND DOOR #3? and Monty Hall is pointing at the small package in my hand and smiling at the emerald door almost transparent I can see outlines people hear laughter...happy voices yet confusion helter skelter silver rings and bracelets beckoning....entreating me a face with sad eyes watching me and I want to trade I WANT TO TRADE!!!! but I'm afraid and the package rests lightly in my hands depending on me counting on me BUT I WANT TO TRADE!!!! i scream silently to the ghost form dancing and spinning away waving to me disappearing into a white billowy cloud high above the earth. COME BACK! i scream I LOVE YOU!!! but the audience is waiting for an answer. WILL YOU TRADE FOR DOOR #3? and i scream out "I need more time!!!" but i only have three notes to name that tune and the melody isn't coming and Thor is inside my head hammer pounding unmercifully at my temples his father laughing at me and the planetarium down the street is calling the police because one of the planets is missing and Ralph Edwards is saying "Michael, THIS is your LIFE!!!" but i'm crying because the pages are all blank and the audience is laughing and Regis is yelling at me IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER??? Oh, God!!!! if you're out there help me but You're not heaven doesn't open doors to sinners like me and the only friend i can phone is out of town and i don't have her number. WILL YOU TRADE FOR DOOR #3??? and door #3 is becoming more solid i cannot see through and i'm screaming WAIT! WAIT! you're always in such a rush, girl!!! but there's a deadbolt there and I hear motors revving up i'm screaming, pleading, begging!!!! but the package is in my hands and if i drop it to open the door....it will shatter and i'm lost in the sound of silence from behind the door and it's lost i'm lost begging forgiveness for what i am not as pink walls close in on me and i fall counting crows in my head still clutching the package i cannot let fall. Forgive me, door #3 Forgive me, my friend. i am SO sorry....... |
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| © Copyright 2000 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
Balladeer, are you all right? Have you been drinking tonight? Seriously, for every door that closes another one will open. Behind that door will be someone for a poet such as you. P.S. Stop watching game shows |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
this is awesome poetry... good god...you write free verse just as powerfully as you write rhyming ballads... this is no game show... nope... this is just damn good poetry, Michael .... excellent verse and the metaphors, the set, the scene... the imagery and references... are superior writing but I would expect no less from you, y'know  thanks for posting this... it's an awesome piece of poetry! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wow ... talk about building up anticipation and anxiety! This was a wonderful read, you had me hooked from start to finish. I feel like I've been living this Game Show nightmare myself Michael ... Lord, it's a tough game for sure ... take care. Best wishes, /Kit |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Well, Deer... To Tell the Truth, You Asked For It... Will the REAL Deer please stand up??... Awesome work, my deer friend..  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
its ok baby... ya know why?? cause I made sure on every one of the game shows ... the consolation prize was a life time supply of Spam  you cant lose .*smile* and may I ditto Doreens reply ... rhyme or not...you rule ... later-game-show-gator jm |
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Jhonbus Junior Member
since 2000-10-12
Posts 25Sheffield UK |
wow! I was reading that like a roller-coaster! Once I started, it didn't let up until the very end, but with a short pause maybe for: "Michael, THIS is your LIFE!!!" but i'm crying because the pages are all blank and the audience is laughing Where I gasped a breath before reading to the end! Poetry like a fairground ride? Masterful! |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
I would like to know what was behind Door #1 and 2?!!!!! < !signature-->Seriously, this was great, full of humor, and a few serious thoughts, too!!! Great writing, 'deer' friend!!! Follow your dream! |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Damn you lost my number again? Free verse, and it's done so well! Deer this is excellent! The frantic working of the mind is vividly portrayed here. It's wrenching. This is out of your ordinary, but you're OH so good at it! heheh sounds like a high fever nightmare though. LOL <*\\\>< I know not what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future. |
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juliet_2u Senior Member
since 2000-07-23
Posts 1125North Carolina |
Wow Deer, I'm totally exhausted now...lol. Man that was intense. You took me right in there with ya and I was wanting you to take the damn door. I was behind ya cheering. Did you hear me????...Seriously great stuff Deer. Hugs from a now very mentally drained friend, Juls |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
Awesome! < !signature-->~You have to have a dream so you can get up in the morning. ~ Billy Wilder [This message has been edited by Wilfred Yeats (edited 10-15-2000).] |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Good to see you back here, you know if you have the right "Password" the door will come open...easily. Loved this, what a nice change. Kathleen |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
'Deer WOWA ROLLER COASTER RIDEWOWKeth Growth demands a temporary surrender of security. Gail Sheehy |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Michael~ and one again you surprise me NOT...i've come to expect no less than awesome poetry from you. this is wonderful writing m'friend. i found myself reading each line faster than the one before...in anticpation as to what would happen. interesting spin at the end. loved it! take care. amy "The head learns knew things, but the heart forever more practices old experiences" |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Awesome writing, indeed! Very well done! Denise |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
I never in a million years believed that rhyme would slip so easily out of your hands. But in doing so you have proved how how great your talents are (as if we didn't know). This is superb writing, and quite a surprizing treat from the master of meter. Oh, how I wish I could write free verse! This poem had me totally captivated throughout, and the images are outstanding! Now I bow to you, my friend for such a fantastic verse. Heights that I can never reach Applauding Liz |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
inot2B...LOL! Thanks for your concern. No, no drinking...maybe too many onions before bed Stop watching game shows? That would put my sanity in Jeopardy!!!!  Doreen...from a writer that I can not get enough of, this is very special to me. I thank you... Kit...TO TELL THE TRUTH, life is not always a WHEEL OF FORTUNE, is it?? Thanks, Kit Nan....the real deer? Been extinct for years, I'm afraid...  Janet Marie...I've watched every game show looking for Spam as a prize and no deal...they got no class at all! Jhonbus...welcome to Passions and thank you for the very kind words. I was hoping for that effect... Sunny1...we'll never know, I guess So many doors, so few keys...thank you Dovey...I'm good at frantic and wrenching? LOL! You may be right at that! Glad you approve juliet_2U...comments like yours make it all worthwhile. (if you were back there, why didn't you give me a little shove? )Wilfred...that's a big word and it means a lot to me...I thank you, sir. Rose...passwords have always been a problem with me..and so have locks. Maybe I'll stick with windows... Kethry...LOL! Thank you! Yes, it was..thinking it and writing it. I'm thrilled that you are here to enjoy it Amy...thank you VERY much, nice person. It's a bit out of my realm and I'm glad it pulled you.... Denise...you KNOW how I value any comment of yours. Thanks, friend Liz...your comments warm my heart. Yes, rhyme and meter are my first love but when I see how powerful good free verse writers like Local Rebel, Martie, xangel and Doreen can make a poem virtually come alive with feeling in their styles, it makes me want to try it occasionally. I'm glad you approve. As far a heights you cannot attain...who you trying to kid??? You can do anything you set your mind to!!!! You're awesome! |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Superb!!! (Even if it did require a lot of Concentration for this blonde. *G*) |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
no concentration required here (course I am not blonde *g* *ducking sutherns bat*) no really, this read like it poured from *my* heart ...really great poem....*sighs and hugs* |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Balladeer~ WOW ! Your talented muse's job is NOT in Jeopardy ! An awesome piece ! So very well done, my friend. I like you, you free-versing person ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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PeterPeter Junior Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 30British, London |
Well I was not sure what the ending would bring, quite an Intriguing read. You know what they say my friend? As one door shuts another slams in your face. Guess door #3 had a bad day. Write on, I like your style. Best Regards Peter |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
Outstanding and phenominal also come to mind. Very beautiful piece. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I feel you will for ever continue to amaze me with your passionately penned side...I hear the anguish...and can feel the heart break... and I still want to say, "job well done, Micheal, and your Father is proud..." and you will know exactly what this means... |
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Effigy Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486disbelief |
I can't even discribe to feeling this read just put into me. My heart pulses with speeding antisipated blood. This was best great. One of the best that I have read in a long while. |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
This sounds like a dream that requires analysis, my fruend, sitzen heir upon ze couch, ja? Yes, like the others have commented, a real roller coaster ride of anxiety and indecision! Well done! Corinne |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
now I came in here fully expecting to get a chuckle and instead you've left this fully developed polaroid of a moral dillema... and so nicely framed too...! nice thinkpeice man |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
suthern girl...forget it. I know you well enough to know there's a brain and a large heart behind that blonde hair Corazon...from a lady who writes incredible free verse, I thank you very much..... Marge...thank you, my friend. I'll get back to my rhyming ways soon....honest seminole!!! peter peter..I THOUGHT that was what they said! LOL! Yes, a bad day for Door #3 and a worse one for me, I'm afraid.... Gemini...that's very kind of you and I thank you sunshine...I DO know what you mean and you are a wonderful lady. Thank you, Karilea Effigy...you have no idea how a comment like yours makes me feel. I thank you VERY much. Corrine...I've heard about your couch! Yep, master of indecision, that's me Rebel....yep, immoral dillemas are much more fun. Thanks for flying by.... |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
If what you held in your hands was as fragile as you depict...wasnt it worth hanging on to? |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
I'm glad I got to fly back by with a little longer layover this time... sometimes those adorable doors swing wide pointing-- painting with a thousand words the sonnets of our souls-- and we know even long down weathered halls lined with exits to destinations that bear no peace -- we do a better thing for the door to see it secured....when you care more for the door... kudos micheal.. your imagery here is entertaining and poignant -- a real statement about the human condition and the best we can do for our beloved door |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Paula....when fragility is of utmost importance...yes. LR...your words carry a lot of weight here. I thank you, Mr. Rebel... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
AAGGHH...I spelled "Michael" wrong... forgive me? Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?...KRJ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Oh my....how did I miss this until now..This is wonderful free verse...exceptional..I am so impressed!!!! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
I was reading in Critical Analysis this morning where you linked over to this piece, Michael. I remember this one ... and admire the tension you were able to build throughout. In my eyes, you are a master no matter what form you choose to write in! Loved this.  Best wishes and hugs, /Kit |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
indeed you need cases of bottles to write this. I read it as your ballad, because it sounds better Love the read. You are gifted again and again and again! Write more free verse, please! The golf court is the best place to start. Ball flying Balladeer smiling Pond gulped |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Pond gulped??? LOL! I love it! I've made a few ponds gulp in my day, Tom Thank you, Kit.  |
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