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Open Poetry #7
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Cassanova
Junior Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 39
Turlock, Ca.

0 posted 2000-04-25 12:08 PM


Of Dreams And Things, Of Angel Wings

You have paralyzed my dreams,
Yet still you speak of love and things.
As to my broken heart you bring:
The promise of an empty ring
On a finger made of glassy steam.
Your love a traitorous requiem,
Where every lie’s a gut-shot sting.
No more the false-fed faith you sing.
And as I face the pain you fling,
I see you’re clothed, in unearned wings.



© Copyright 2000 Jason Monarch - All Rights Reserved
Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
1 posted 2000-04-25 12:27 PM


Pretty searing thoughts you've got there, my new-found friend.  I know how hard you worked on this poem, and am glad to see you posting it!!      Keep it up, guy!



[This message has been edited by Satiate (edited 04-25-2000).]

A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart
2 posted 2000-04-25 02:02 PM


liked it much!!!
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
3 posted 2000-04-25 02:18 PM


I loved the title, then the whole piece was excellent.
Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
4 posted 2000-04-25 02:19 PM


Ouch......sounds like love has taken leave...
nice writing

Irie
Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493
Washington State
5 posted 2000-04-25 02:26 PM


Ouch is right.
"I see your clothed, in unearned wings"
Yikes, sounds like some one I know all too well.
Painfully touching Jason

~Sheri

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
6 posted 2000-04-25 07:35 PM



Jason* Although expressing much pain in this piece this is superbly written!! You went to quite a bit of work making all this work and you hit your mark!!


 Hold me for yesterday
Kiss me for tomorrow
But love me for today.


Jeffrey Carter
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!
7 posted 2000-04-25 07:51 PM


Now that's what I call making a point.
Thought stirring words here.

All my love,
Jeffrey

mariee66
Senior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 596
Recess, OfYourMind
8 posted 2000-04-25 09:35 PM


This is great writing~
First one of yours I've read, I think~
Nicely done~
Marie~

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
9 posted 2000-04-25 11:15 PM


Your love a traitorous requiem ...

That line caught me! The entire poem was well done -- the rhythm consistent, the rhyme intact -- but that phrase was brilliant.  I will indeed be eagerly looking for more from you ...  

--Kess


 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest


Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
10 posted 2000-04-26 02:30 AM


Don't know 'nuthin' 'bout the rhymin' stuff, but I knows I likes this much! Liek the idea, like the format, like the phrasing and like everything else between!
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
11 posted 2004-05-13 04:09 AM


very nicely done
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