Open Poetry #7 |
Of Dreams And Things, Of Angel Wings (Inspired by Satiate) |
Cassanova Junior Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 39Turlock, Ca. |
You have paralyzed my dreams, Yet still you speak of love and things. As to my broken heart you bring: The promise of an empty ring On a finger made of glassy steam. Your love a traitorous requiem, Where every lie’s a gut-shot sting. No more the false-fed faith you sing. And as I face the pain you fling, I see you’re clothed, in unearned wings. |
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© Copyright 2000 Jason Monarch - All Rights Reserved | |||
Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Pretty searing thoughts you've got there, my new-found friend. I know how hard you worked on this poem, and am glad to see you posting it!! Keep it up, guy! [This message has been edited by Satiate (edited 04-25-2000).] |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
liked it much!!! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
I loved the title, then the whole piece was excellent. |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
Ouch......sounds like love has taken leave... nice writing |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
Ouch is right. "I see your clothed, in unearned wings" Yikes, sounds like some one I know all too well. Painfully touching Jason ~Sheri |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Jason* Although expressing much pain in this piece this is superbly written!! You went to quite a bit of work making all this work and you hit your mark!! Hold me for yesterday Kiss me for tomorrow But love me for today. |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Now that's what I call making a point. Thought stirring words here. All my love, Jeffrey |
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mariee66 Senior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 596Recess, OfYourMind |
This is great writing~ First one of yours I've read, I think~ Nicely done~ Marie~ |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Your love a traitorous requiem ... That line caught me! The entire poem was well done -- the rhythm consistent, the rhyme intact -- but that phrase was brilliant. I will indeed be eagerly looking for more from you ... --Kess Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Don't know 'nuthin' 'bout the rhymin' stuff, but I knows I likes this much! Liek the idea, like the format, like the phrasing and like everything else between! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
very nicely done |
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