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Open Poetry #7
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For Sven's Poetic Joust challenge - Attempt 1
| Open Poetry #7 |
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For Sven's Poetic Joust challenge - Attempt 1 |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
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Sven, I have spend an initial force in this challenge, more might emerge, if I feel up to it. I am not good at writing, leave alone romantic pieces, but this will have to do for now... Sincere regards... Lets me be judged... Lets just call it... An enigmatic Q&A session --------------------------- If only I could find a way, To show how you brighten my day. Would you then not join me, hand in hand? To view bright horizons, as we stand If only I could bring to light, How you fill my dreams at night. Would you then not want to look? Beautiful pictures of you, my heart took If only I could be of worth, to this life you’ve filled with mirth. Would you then not join me in fun? Together into the sunset, we could run If only I could be of strength, To lift your spirits when you’re spent. Would you then not let me caress? Gently with due finesse, to rid you of your weariness. If only I could know your fears, To fight them for you, remove your tears. Would you then not let me wield the sword? With all my might, I will keep my word. If only I could know your happiness, to fill your life with sweet tenderness. Would you then not share with me your joy? Little gifts like rose petals, to let you happy and coy. If only I could forever provide, what you seek, in heart, deep inside. Would you then not accept this present from my heart? This blooming love, in my soul! My sole precious part! If only I could split myself in two, to always gift a part of me… to you… Would you then not keep the half, closest to your heart? Mould it into your angel heart, be my better half, a touch of art. If only I could, I would. If you could, Would you? ------------- Like always, I am waiting for answers..... Hey you, out there in the cold, Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me? Hey you, standing in the aisle, With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me? Hey you, don't help them to bury the light. Don't give in without a fight. Hey you, out there on your own, Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me? Hey you, with your ear against the wall, Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me? Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone? Open your heart, I'm coming home.... by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall |
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| © Copyright 2000 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
WOW and double WOW WOW  wonderful dear friend. Sent me in a spin and my heart in a flutter.You've done well and answered the challenge ten fold, well done!! Sven will be pleased Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"If only I could be of strength, To lift your spirits when you’re spent. Would you then not let me caress? Gently with due finesse, to rid you of your weariness." WOW too! Challenge exceedingly well met Sudhir! Your DO have a wonderfully romantic heart ... VERY well done!!!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Sudhir~ Romantic, yes ! Enjoyed the read. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
Indeed you have well and truly answered the challenge. I may well put away my pencils and sit this one out. Well Done! God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Unknown |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
Really nice. Lovely. Everyone wants a poem like that written just for them I'm sure! Uta Lotharingia "Wir wollen nicht Wert und Sinn ... wir wollen Unwert und Unsinn" Raoul Hausmann |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Tracie, Kit, Marge, EagleOne, lotharingia , You people have made me feel proud to have posted this one with your wonderful remarks. Thank you!!! I am really sorry not to address you all separately, but time is short, and I am in a huge rush. Work pays sometimes, but makes one pay always.... Once again, heart-felt thanks for reading and posting, Sincere regards, Sudhir. [This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 06-08-2000).] |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Sven, did you read this as yet? Did I really somewhere get? These questions bother me often, After this response to the challenge has been written. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Sudhir, You have done well here brave Knight! Your poem was a wonder and delight! Your tale straight from your heart Has given this challenge a great start! Well done Brave Knight!!!! Gentlemen, Sudhir has penned a tale of devotion and love. . . will you match it??? -------------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Would you then not join me, hand in hand? To view bright horizons, as we stand If only I could bring to light, How you fill my dreams at night. Would you then not want to look? Beautiful pictures of you, my heart took ------------ If only I could be of strength, To lift your spirits when you’re spent. Would you then not let me caress? Gently with due finesse, to rid you of your weariness. ---------- If only I could split myself in two, to always gift a part of me… to you… Would you then not keep the half, closest to your heart? Mould it into your angel heart, be my better half, a touch of art. If only I could, I would. If you could, Would you? ----------------- YES I COULD YES I WOULD YES WE SHOULD LOL LOL WOW SUD, honeychild you dont need Sven to tell ya nothing... Im here to tell ya this is EXCELLENT!! there are some AMAZING lines in that poem you keep writing like that and your gonna have to beat the maidens off with a stick LOL >Beautiful pictures of you, my heart took< wow what a line. later-romatic gator jm |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
To look nside this brave knights heart, Was beautiful pictures of a loves start, To see thy body willing tore apart, For a gift, gives my heart a lift, Ths far maiden was impressed, can't wait until I read the rest of this poetic Joust!.....(These were my favorite lines)Little gifts like rose petals, to let you happy and coy. If only I could forever provide, what you seek, in heart, deep inside. Would you then not accept this present from my heart? This blooming love, in my soul! My sole precious part! If only I could split myself in two, to always gift a part of me… to you… Would you then not keep the half, closest to your heart? Mould it into your angel heart, be my better half, a touch of art. If only I could, |
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Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
Bravely fought and beautifully written Sir Sudhir. A worthy opponent indeed Eric. |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
WoW!!! What a beautiful walk with love and hope and the gift of "self" I loved this!!! You have done yourself proud with this challenge!!! You have us SWOOOOOOOOONING!!!! |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Excellent writing, I enjoyed. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Sven, Thank you for your recommendations here! This was most satisfying... Janet, Thanks, thanks, thanks a lot, You have poured praises from a golden pot... I feel extremely glad to have written this one... A Romantic Heart, how much more romantic than you can one get, the one with a romantic heart? Thank you for reading and very glad that you enjoyed... Eric, is it a fight, my friend? or just a display of armoury? or ist it but an empty dream... well, challenge or not, this was quite an amount of fun, atleast I have a reason to smile after being called a worthy opponent...Thank you very much. Butterfly, Thanks for reading and posting, do I really have you swooning like in SWOOOONING, wow that is such a precious gift in itself, the feeling that you are letting me have... Thanks a lot.... Lost Dreamer, thanks for reading and I am pleased to know that you enjoyed this one... Lots of love to all of you, and Many regards as a weekend come up, Sudhir... Getting back to some music now and shutting up my big mouth... My heart is pounding, my stomach's inside out I'm feeling kind-a-shaky, my mind is full of doubt All I ever think about, is fearing fear itself, Wish I could unscrew my head and put it on the shelf Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight, Don't know what I'm looking at, the lights are all too bright My brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor Sweep 'em up. Throw 'em away, don't want 'em anymore Clouds race across the sky, day turns into night, Still there are the questions, no answers in sight Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight, Starin' out the window, everything is just too bright Brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor, Wish I could unscrew my head, and kick it out the door... You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange ~ Strange ~ Joe Satriani (Flying in a Blue Dream) |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
~Sudhir SIGH! *BIG SMILE* This was wow...this was soo romantic. Boy you need to be slapped, think you can't write. Please this is probably the most romantic one i've read as of yet. i'd say stop worrying about what sven thinks lol and do as Jan says...keep making us fair ladies swoon. you sure are doing one heck of a job my friend! take care. amy "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends." "Fate exists but it can only take you so far, Because once you're there It's up to you to make it happen." |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Amy, my friend, you are so very kind. Thank You for everything. I cos you smiled and I stand gratified...most sincere regards, sudhir.< !signature--> My heart is pounding, my stomach's inside out I'm feeling kind-a-shaky, my mind is full of doubt All I ever think about, is fearing fear itself, Wish I could unscrew my head and put it on the shelf Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight, Don't know what I'm looking at, the lights are all too bright My brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor Sweep 'em up. Throw 'em away, don't want 'em anymore Clouds race across the sky, day turns into night, Still there are the questions, no answers in sight Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight, Starin' out the window, everything is just too bright Brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor, Wish I could unscrew my head, and kick it out the door... You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange ~ Strange ~ Joe Satriani (Flying in a Blue Dream) [This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 06-09-2000).] |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Great answer to the challenge Sudhir beautifully crafted and presented. I'm glad to joust with such a worthy opponent my friend! Very nice work! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
A very beautiful love poem, Sudhir. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Sudhir, As too from all above , you know what you speak of love. Doc |
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nando Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 87Vaxjo, Smaland, Sweden |
The words of a true romantic... As certain as the snow falls in december (at least here in Sweden) so will your poems someday melt a womans heart if they haven´t allready done that... Keep aiming for the stars my new friend, they´re not out of reach.... -nando- Ask me how to live your life, and this to you I´ll say: make your choises true and wise, so that when tomorrow will arise, you´ll smile at yesterday... |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
ethome, Thank your for your kind words and for reading this poem... Martie, Thank you...since love is beautiful, love poems also deserve to be, don't they??? Dr. Moose1, Thanks for reading, thanks a lot... nando, Thanks a lot, these words from you, I wish they come true one day... Thanks again, all of your beautiful and lovely people... Regards, sudhir |
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