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Open Poetry #7
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Imprisoned By Guilt (repost from #6- revised) also my 1000th post
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Imprisoned By Guilt (repost from #6- revised) also my 1000th post |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! 
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Imprisoned By Guilt < !signature-->I can't seem to find the words to say just how I feel The pain is ever growing since they put you on that hill I stop by to say I miss you almost every day I pray that God above will soon take this hurt away I can still see you lying there among that crumpled heap I wish that I could close my eyes and this memory delete It haunts me every waking hour and in every wink of sleep Ever losing grip on sanity no longer mine to keep I would give most anything if I could rewrite history Cause in my heart I know that you should be here instead of me In my cell, my private Hell locked inside my head If I hadn't had too much to drink then you would not be dead *********************** Been working on this to try and make it read better,Please tell me what you think You can find the old version at this link /pip/Forum31/HTML/003548.html All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep [This message has been edited by Jeffrey Carter (edited 06-03-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jeffrey D. Carter - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
WOW! The word powerful springs to mind...yep, you have definitely tightened it up and the format is much tidier - it suits it well. Good job! (Congrats on the posts btw  )K |
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Eloise Senior Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 1096Wyoming |
What a great poem. Very well written. I missed it the first time so I'm glad I got read it now. |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Jeffrey, To be honest I'd love to congradulate you on your 1000th, but i'm not sure its appropriate. The poem is perfect to me, the last verse right on. I'm happy for your 1000th, sad for the torment it tells. I'd like to believe that some people are given the harder lessons in life, these people are the ones meant to change the world or atleast a part of it. If this poem be true, then to quiet the torment is to leave the cell and change the world. peace Good Poet.... Parker |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Jeffery, I would like to "ditto" Parkers sincere and wisdom filled reply... (as my words would not be as eloquent) as I know how hard this lesson is to live with. But I will indeed congratulate you on you 1000th post as in the short time you have been here you have shown SO much enthusiasim, encouragement, and honesty in both your poetry and your many kind replies and challenges. You are a poet and a lover of poetry. thank you for sharing so much of your self with us. take care poet-friend, jm There are places inside our souls ... that have never been touched. There are places inside our hearts ... that need to be loved this much. ~Janet Marie~ "What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly" ~Lao Tze Tao~ ~Butterflies are meant to be free~ |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
First of all Jeff, congratulations on your 1000th post. Secondly on another great poem. Powerful, I would really love to have some advice to ease any pain you have but I don't, I will just say take care of yourself, and there is still beauty in life and the past is as it is. Thank you for sharing. ------------------------ "I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else"-Richey Edwards "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "Libraries gave us power Then work came and made us free What price now for a shallow piece of dignity" Nicky Wire, A design for Life. manic street preachers "Rock 'n' roll is our epiphany Culture, alienation, boredom and despair" |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Jeffrey: We cannot rewrite history, but in all the history books in all the libraries, and all the shelves there is contained in one room more love, pain, sorrow, hope, and faith than in all the rooms of our hearts. In these rooms, we must never let the cobwebs of regret, woe, and unbearable conscious grow stale, but keep them fresh through our writings, letting in the sunlight on today, and then tomorrow and then onto the future. Poetry can be rewritten and beautifully so, and even though history cannot...it certainly can not be repeated. Kathleen [email protected] |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Jeffrey, Congratulations on your 1000th post!! Great job, my friend!!! Now, on to the poem....oh, how sad this was to read. I think that you are here for a reason, just like the person who died is gone for a reason. May not always make sense to us, but everything happens for some reason. My heart goes out to you, Jeffrey. Took amazing courage and guts to post this piece. I am proud of you for that. Very powerful poetry, m'friend. I am always here for you, as you know.Lone Wolf Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end. --Michael W. Smith |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
First I would like to say Thank you all for your kind words and for the congrats...I really love spending time at Passion's reading all the wonderful poetry Second I must say that this poem is NOT from personal experience. I wrote this after reading a story in the local newspaper about a man that drove drunk and ended up killing his wife in an accident After reading the story I couldn't help but wonder how it must feel to carry that kind of burden, and this is what came out. All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Congratulations on your 1000th post Jeffrey! What a powerful and heart-wrenching poem to signify the occassion. I'm so grateful to read from your comment above, that it was not a personal rendering ... and what talent you have shown to be able to write as if it were. Absolutely tremendous writing. Best wishes, /Kit [This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 06-04-2000).] |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Well Jeffrey, I'm glad you put that comment in there. I must now say, this was a stupendous job to convey such feeling and it not be about you. A grand poet you trully are. Parker |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is a good choise for your 1000th post, my friend. Drinking and driving is a terrible problem, and I'm glad that you brought attention to it. Your poem is extremely well-written and powerful. I really enjoyed it. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Kit, Parker and LoveBug, Thank you, thank you, thank you....This is my best effort as apoet in my opinion....was really hard to convey this point of view, especially considering that just a few years ago this could have very well been from personal experience. As I have said before I am a recovering alchoholic with 6 years of sobriety under my belt. Again, TY for the wonderful comments All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Well, Jeffrey, I had to gasp upon reading the last lines of this agonizing poem. the message was very poignantly presented and beautifully written. Congratulations on this fine piece and on your iooo. Liz |
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mariee66 Senior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 596Recess, OfYourMind |
Hi Jeffrey, I don't remember this one from open #6...I'm just not able to get in here as often, so I probably missed it. Your emotions and point were nicely conveyed. You did a great job on this one! Marie~ |
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
Good insights into what people do without thought and how the result is something they can't leave behind or stop thinking about. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I'm relieved to know that this is not your personal experience. Excellent writing and congratulations on your 1,000 post! Denise |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
CONGRADULATIONS JEFF! i am goin to have you over for some Possum Pie and Grits! LOL You know I love ya! Marina |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Liz, Mariee, Jana and Denise, Thank you for the sweet replies. I truly appreciate them Marina, mmm,mmm sounds mightly delicious lol Girl, you are a nut, but I still love ya' All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Congratulations on post 1000....and I like this version better |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
1000 posts!!! no kidding!!! CONGRATULATIONS friend. by the way, lovely poem here, and after all I read after that and all words offered, I feel odd repeating the same words, so all I say is keep up the great work.... regards, sudhir Hey you, out there in the cold, Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me? Hey you, standing in the aisle, With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me? Hey you, don't help them to bury the light. Don't give in without a fight. Hey you, out there on your own, Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me? Hey you, with your ear against the wall, Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me? Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone? Open your heart, I'm coming home.... by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall |
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Lorraine Nisbet Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 218Jersey City, NJ USA |
Jeffrey~ Congratulations on your 6 years of sobriety. I wish the rest of your years to be happily sober and without guilt. Congratulations again on your 1000th post. ~Lorraine~ A great poet is nothing more....than a discovered amateur |
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