»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #7
»
Kit's Challenge for first Poetry . De-evolved
| Open Poetry #7 |
|
Kit's Challenge for first Poetry . De-evolved |
|
|
brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
|
In a few clean ups I dumped alot of my first poetry, though i don't really class it as poetry as I had yet to find my voice, they were just experiments. I think I was 16 when I wrote this. I wrote it in one sitting. When I read it I knew I had a poem that said something, a poem with a message. here it is, De-Evolved. ===================================== De-Evolved We were of a sickly kind; the kind that liked to hide in shells and boxes, away from all the chaos and adversities of the open mind. We drew the blankets down about our heads and hugged tight beneath the humid night. We knew not what innocence drove us to create. We buried our heads in sand, safe, soft, soothing and slept away the storm. Upon awaking, drawn out into the light, we surveyed the land as always. Only this time stripped off all the growth, the shrubs, the land; now barren. Empty is the land, coarse and hardened, It abrades our feet; pain rings out in our ears. We stumble onwards through the wasteland we built. Paradise now lost, at what a petty cost. We mourn our failure and drown ourselves in rivers of our fears. ------------------------ "Here chewing your tail is joy" Richey Edwards "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "Will you accuse me as I hide Behind these layers of disguise And the mirrors of my own happiness.I've loved the freedom of being inside Need a new start and a different time Something grows in the space between me And it's twisting and changing this fragile body" -Nicky Wire |
||
| © Copyright 2000 brian madden - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
This is great! Amazing that you wrote this so young..it's got a lot of depth.  |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
yes...amazing indeed...as poet d says... such depth...Hmmm I wonder who else tells you this LOL well, you already know I was awed by this one deep deep..you are, later wise-gator  jm |
||
|
Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Very deep for one so young Brian, your talent was evident then as it is now, thank you for sharing your work....old and new  |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Very interesting and well done poem for one so young. |
||
|
Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
Loved the title...it says it all! The poem is great, also. This is one of my pet peeves, I guess. I agree with all you said back then right on up to today. "Take Paridise, and put up a parking lot..." |
||
|
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Oh Brian ... you out-did yourself at 16 for sure! This was excellent. It reminded me of that same song Jana mentioned. Full of depth ... and I love how you said your others were "works in progress" till you finished this one. Wonderful! So glad you continued. Challenge well-met!!! Best wishes, /Kit |
||
|
Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
Your talent started early my young friend! Marina |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Funny how it is youth that allows us to write pieces like this before we grow old enough to write about lost loves, our pet cats and butterflies in the garden. Like this one very much........ |
||
|
brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Poet deVine, thank you for your lovely comment. I was a brooding little teenager, more concerned with looking into the abyss than where teenage eyes are usually found looking. Jan, I am learning to mellow out and enjoy life and see the beautiful side of life. I am becoming more relaxed in my old age. Lol. Thanks for your wonderful response. Butterflies_dont_cry, aw thanks that means a lot to me. Thanks for your comments  Martie, I think I must have been the only teenager concerned with the hypocrisy of mankind. LOL. thank you for your kind response. Jana, aw yes. Yellow taxicab was the name of the song, just cannot remember the name of the singer. I guess the saying "ignorance is death" inspired me to write the poem. For me the paradise in the poem is the outdated ideals held by a group people being destroyed as the world around they progresses. Basically we must evolve in order to survive. Thank your wonderful responses to this poem. Marina, thanks. Talent? Well I try but I am just saying what is on my mind. Thank you for your kind words. Balladeer, I guess our priorities change as time goes on. Thank you for kind words, glad you liked you and thanks for reading it. ------------------------ "Here chewing your tail is joy" Richey Edwards "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "Will you accuse me as I hide Behind these layers of disguise And the mirrors of my own happiness.I've loved the freedom of being inside Need a new start and a different time Something grows in the space between me And it's twisting and changing this fragile body" -Nicky Wire |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Brian very substantial writing for a sixteen year old...you have lots of talent. James |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
