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lonely now (an experiment)
| Open Poetry #7 |
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lonely now (an experiment) |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again 
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lonely now We used to spend the day in bed; rub our feet together 'cause the blanket was too short. let the phone ring; shut the door on the world. you know, i'd never had no reasons before to ever doubt the look in your eye. And now it's clear to both of us: A wishing well for broken dreams and if you make a wish, you can hear the screams. You said that it's over. But we both know better. You said that i don't love you. But you don't remember... you don't feel nothing. We used to sneak in through your backgate Hoping your parents wouldn't hear us. We could stay up all night. I can still hear you laugh... Now it's a god-awful sound. Oh, please remember... You said that it's over. But we both know better. You said that i don't love you. But you don't remember... you don't feel nothing. and i'm lonely now. < !signature--> We all got somethin' we need to atone for. [This message has been edited by Ethan_Halo (edited 05-23-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Ethan Halo - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
*this is my experiment to have free verse stanzas and a rhyming chorus. it's not all the way done, but tell me what you think.* |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Ethan This poem has a potential of being a gentle, painful poem of love lost and maybe regained? We used to spend the day in bed rubbing our feet together that blanket was too short, remember? we'd shut the door on the world and let the telephone ring you know, I never had any reasons before to ever doubt the look in your eye And now it's clear to both of us You could put the poem in Critical Analysis and get some sound advice. I am not comfortable with this in open forum. But, he who asks, should receive --) ~netswan [This message has been edited by netswan (edited 05-23-2000).] |
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