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Open Poetry #7
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Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2000-05-17 02:43 PM


Storms

Discord weighing heavy
in moisture laden air
sinuses pounding senselessly
sad thoughts of despair

What would break this tension
release the firestorm brewing
wind picks up and tosses mood
a tempest pot is stirring

One storm raging inside
the other one, without
will the lightening and thunder
obscure the dreadful shout?

Premonition belies the truth
the heaviness does swell
when both factions meet
then run from coming hell

One storm shall pass on
the other, elephantine it sits
fresh air shall over pass
the sour discord that never quits


17 May 2000
©KRJ




 Sunshine
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


© Copyright 2000 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved
DestinysCharm
Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 90

1 posted 2000-05-17 06:20 PM


Wow, the intensity of this poem is amazing, it reached out and practically created a storm in my mind. Fabulous writing here, I love it.
LadySofia
Member
since 2000-05-16
Posts 238
FL., USA
2 posted 2000-05-17 06:29 PM


Dear Sunshine,

We all fight battles ans wars, inside with ourselves, and on the outside, with those we love and know and sometimes just with a passer-by we know nothing of at all. At times we win, and at times we lose, but who is to say the battle is completely over, or that the winner has won entirely? Sitting down to ponder over this piece reminded me of such things. This poem was very lovely, and I hope to read more from you in the future!  

^_^ LadySofia

Kit McCallum
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Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
3 posted 2000-05-17 06:53 PM


Wonderful Sunshine ... very descriptive and full of power!

Best wishes,
/Kit

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2000-05-18 08:58 AM


Destiny, thank you for your comment...

Lady Sofia, thank you for your input, and as for "reading more..." of me, just look for sunshine, and I'll be there...

Thank you Kit, you saw the picture...

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
5 posted 2000-05-18 02:54 PM


Omigosh, I had missed this one.
It is a brilliant caricature of real life, and what goes on inside a complicated human mind...

One storm shall pass on
the other, elephantine it sits
fresh air shall over pass
the sour discord that never quits

great words, Karilea.

Regards, sudhir

 Life is like a painting,
That in an art gallery is left hanging,
Though many come just to look at it,
A very few actually come to enjoy it.

SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396

6 posted 2000-05-18 07:27 PM


~Hey there,....great expression here.  Such strength in your words,...such truth they hold.  Very cool read,...enjoyed this.
*BTW,...it's actually thunder and lightning here...at this very moment,..so the added effect is making this a killer piece,...right on

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
7 posted 2000-05-19 08:55 AM


Sudhir, you didn't overlook this, you just hadn't found it yet...thank you for picking out the part that said something to you...

Spitfire, glad to know you had the acoustics to go along with the piece...

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

8 posted 2000-05-20 07:13 AM


I enjoyed the drama within your words...very strong images and wonderful metaphor...

~ Claire

 Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau


Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2000-05-22 01:39 PM


Thank you, Claire...
Lorraine Nisbet
Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 218
Jersey City, NJ USA
10 posted 2000-05-22 02:03 PM



Very good, Sunshine.  I really like it!  ~Lorraine

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
11 posted 2000-05-22 02:18 PM


Thank you, Claire
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
12 posted 2000-05-22 02:18 PM


Thank you, Claire
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