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Open Poetry #7
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Voices
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Voices |
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DiObear Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 66Switzerland |
“I don’t know about us,” I say. My voice shaking Forever is as long as I want to sit beside you But you’ve given too many mixed messages I mean everything to you and I mean nothing You mean everything to me, but so does my heart “Look at me,” you say. Your voice insistent I manage a brief glance before turning away You’re looking too deeply into my eyes Straight through my soul, straight to my heart Places I don’t want your eyes to see “I love you,” you say. Your voice pleading You sound like you believe what you’re saying But along with the candles reflecting off your eyes I see that spark of fear and I understand You’re not comfortable with those three words “I love you too,” I say. My voice silent |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Very powerful scene here...played out in just a few well chosen words, the emotional drama so quiet between two people. Really liked it! |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
DiObear~ This is so tender and yet so wise. I think it is a reflection of your spirit. 'Forever is as long as I want to sit beside you' BEAUTIFUL ! '"I love you too," I say. My voice silent' BRILLIANT ! See what I mean ? Beauty and wisdom. I enjoyed this so much. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
THIS IS EXCELLENT!!! the idea of a conversation is so creative and cool. but the emotions in this are so well writtens out the reader feels like we are intruding on this painful moment in a relationship... been here...know it well. very nice work here. take care, jm |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Wow - you convey the "unsureness" here so well. Wonderful work. Michael |
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DiObear Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 66Switzerland |
Martie, Marge, Janet and Michael, You guys are so encouraging with your words that you actually gave me goose bumps as I read your words. Sometimes I show my poems to friends and they just ask me why I don't write happy ones more often. You guys actually get it. This place, PIP, is so nurturing. Thanks from my heart, Sue |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Oh wow, can I relate to this...the "unsureness" as Michael called it. This was a nervewracking conversation for me to even witness. Nicely done Sue! I liked it alot .... |
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DiObear Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 66Switzerland |
poetFemmeFatale, I hope that typing your comments helped to calm your nerves a bit. ;-) I sure appreciated them. Sue |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very well written, Sue. I could feel the tension of the moment! Denise |
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