»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #7
»
Don't Tell Anyone
| Open Poetry #7 |
|
Don't Tell Anyone |
|
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
|
Don’t Tell Anyone You have never known me she said, as she put her hands into her tousled mess of hair, like the curled and misplaced jungle where she lived, had lived with this stranger who saw straight lines when what she saw was curve. To go, needed a place, he said, and his blue eyes matched his blue shirt, and a reasonable because, her, just because was to him taking a dirt road when you had a highway. So, how had they lived through two children and his drugs and her CREATIVE EXPRESSION, for years, when to not make war was like making love without touching, but with the same afterglow. We never fight in front of the children, she said, Don’t lay our garbage at the barbecue of our neighbor, he said, and then confidentially she told someone they hadn’t made love in six years but he said he gave her foot massages and touched her delicate there between the toes where he could not help but yearn for the shoe salesman he used to be in his father’s shoe store looking at the legs and up the dresses of so many friendly feet, before, when he was young. And she wishes to express herself, she is an artist, a creator, cannot live this work ethic, must be free and cannot with children still too sensitive to understand how they could not live like this. And the children listen behind the sigh and the rolled eyes of not listening and see her skin recoil from his touch and his steady upturned pain and they wonder why they cannot say that it would be better not to wait because right now… really stinks! |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Wow! This is dynamite, Martie! Very powerful in your soft, graceful way! I'm sure many people live lives of quiet desperation like this. Very well done! Denise |
||
|
netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Ah, the tiptoes of eggshells --- Hard choices -----I know too many who stayed married because of the kids -- when a relationship like that does not show them what a loving deserving relationship they can grow up to have. Lovely poem -- well portrayed. -- I say, get rid of the eggshells in life and LIVE netswan |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Denise--thanks so much for the dynamite...You're the best! netswan--eggshells--yes, I guess that is how it would feel---I say LIVE, too! |
||
|
Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Martie, There is enough here to write a novel. You did it backwards. You condensed a novel into a poem. An extaordinary accompishment. And a novel-poem on eggshells, at that. Loved it Liz |
||
|
ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Wow. You describe the torment of the "eggshellrelationships" so exquisitely. Wow. Love and hugs, Lizzie  "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight." |
||
|
Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
VERY powerful.....and too close to home. I am divorced now 3 years after two years of separation, 20 years of marriage. My kids all say we should hav e gotten divorced long ago, would have been better for them then trying to hold the family together as I did...this poem speaks volumes! Thanks for sharing. |
||
|
Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Your perspective is superbly shared, Martie...every time. Loved this! ~ Claire |
||
|
Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
oh my gosh, this catches in my throat and fills my eyes with tears, it is so real, wow...I just have no words...this touched me deeply martie....wow |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Liz--someone said once that you should be able to make a short story into a poem and visa versa, I just can't remember who it was. I'm glad you liked this. Lizzie--thanks so much for the wow. Beki--I know there are alot of families like this...I know one of them. I'm sorry that this hit so close to home. Claire--you are the queen of wonderful replies. Corazon--I'm so glad this poem touched you. Thank you. |
||
Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Martie, WOW!! is an understatement! This is a powerfully expressive piece. Too many children growing up in this kind of unloving environment. Thank you for sharing this. All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Jeffrey, thank you so much for understanding and appreciating this effort. |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I also appreciate your effort, Martie, in everything you write because you immerse yourself in your words and make each poem part of you......a very admirable trait. |
||
|
lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
Kind of reminds me of the 'ol egg throwing contest... I always lost... here's widdershins back at ya kid. You are still a kid, right..? If I could paint a portrait, of this life in which I've led, and somehow sketch a story, of the visions in my head, I'd start out with a canvas, stretched tightly in a frame, and in the bottom corner, I'd leave room to sign my name. (Michelle A. Bartley) |
||
Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Martie~ Savored your perspectives. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
||
|
Tuck Junior Member
since 2000-04-29
Posts 27 |
well done! my first thought when i finished was "awwww" which i definitely think is a good thing...  |
||
|
A.C.Turner Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 83Reading, Pa.Home of Bardfest |
Powerful. A lesson with great imagery. ACT. |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Thanks deer one, each poem is a part of me..and very important. lucky, your widdershins take me there, to the kid again. Marge--thanks for the persepctive. Tuck--I'm glad your awwwww was a good thing ACT--Thanks so much for your comment--I really apprecaite it. |
||
|
bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Martie~ I liked the brutal honesty of this piece. The second stanza is a little choppy, but it didn't distract from the message or the overall effort. Good writing. best regards, bboog |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
