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Bushbrain
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Bushbrain |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road 
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the bushbrain leaves a stain of bloody ground a trail of dead children unfed a painful sound two wrongs no gain and a world of pain peace unfound |
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| © Copyright 2001 Allan Tierney - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Shou-Lao Junior Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 48 |
A fairly concise poem based around a simple rhyme scheme that gets across statements through the use of unembellished - staccato delivered points. In other words I quite like this.  One suggestion, try moving the “and” from the second-last line to the last line, it doesn’t change the meaning but might scan better. Shou-Lao |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Shou-Lao, I loved your concise analysis of this. Perfect. And your suggestion works wonderfully. Thank you. *) the bushbrain leaves a stain of bloody ground a trail of dead children unfed a painful sound two wrongs no gain a world of pain and peace unfound |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Shou-Lao, I loved your concise analysis of this. Perfect. And your suggestion works wonderfully. Thank you. *) the bushbrain leaves a stain of bloody ground a trail of dead children unfed a painful sound two wrongs no gain a world of pain and peace unfound |
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