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Packratmike
Senior Member

since 2001-02-25

Posts 632
California, USA

0 posted 2001-05-19 02:55 PM

forgive me i've sinned
by loving others before...
your angry eyes burn

forgive me i've sinned
jealously you crucify
past loves remembered

forgive me i've sinned
in dark hidden words shadowed
by the love you gave

[This message has been edited by Packratmike (edited 05-19-2001).]

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

1 posted 2001-05-20 01:23 AM

Oh the green eyed monster. He's a hard one to whip. Joyce

mistyrose
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 75
state of anxiety

2 posted 2001-05-20 06:37 PM

packratmike,

i sense sarcasm here
am i correct?
or maybe its me reading it
as if i had written those words
regardless
forgive me i've sinned
for being
human

as always
i enjoy your poems
immensely

mistyrose~*

Packratmike
Senior Member

since 2001-02-25

Posts 632
California, USA

3 posted 2001-05-20 11:17 PM

Joyce....and that monster can be a real pain in the....thank you.*S*

mistyrose....a bit of sarcasm, a bit of anger and a touch of frustration. Thank you.*S*

Mike

Panne447
Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 196
S.A. TX

4 posted 2001-05-30 02:48 PM

hmmmm ...interesting...like the sentiments and the way you wrote them ... sort of remember myself using those exact words"Forgive me I sinned..." a time or too in a very sarcastic tone. BTW, still have come across no new pantuns of yours - will keep looking...it's been awhile again since I was in pip... Panne

Packratmike
Senior Member

since 2001-02-25

Posts 632
California, USA

5 posted 2001-05-30 04:03 PM

Panne...thank you, I was in a sour mood when I wrote this. Decided to use senryu string to work thru it. Worked for me. *S*

Mike

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

6 posted 2001-05-30 09:41 PM

we have surely all sinnned...you're in very good company!

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Packratmike
Senior Member

since 2001-02-25

Posts 632
California, USA

7 posted 2001-05-31 11:17 AM

Thank you, Irish Rose.*S*

Mike

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