Luck or Destiny...?(working title)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

0 posted 2005-11-07 07:49 PM

And madness
  churning in my stomach
   the juice that drives me
       is surging
through the tunnels of my body
    granted
one breath       to choose
    crunching      to whirling
   the smell of burnt plastic
invades what senses     i have about me
         then still.
Overwhelmed by a sense of   why me?
only       a scratch?
Luck      or destiny...?
  to walk away from this rubble
to leave this     breathing
    to be         alive...

11-7-05

* i have some insecurities about this one... once again i'm not sure how i feel about the ending, but i would like to share this with the people in one of the forums i post in, so i'd appreciate any help in working out any kinks in this one.   Thanks much,
-Kaos

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
-Dylan Thomas

skoolyardturtle
Member

since 2005-06-28

Posts 96

1 posted 2005-11-08 06:47 PM

this is actually pretty good. Make sure that no matter what you are satisfied with the writing. sometimes it takes time just to come up with an ending. good job though

I want life in every word, to the extent that it's absurd.- The Postal Service

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

2 posted 2005-11-08 08:23 PM

i thought about cutting out the last 3 lines, but after reading over it i feel that the ending flows nicely into a a conclusion... any thoughts?

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
-Dylan Thomas

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

3 posted 2005-11-12 09:29 PM

madness
  churning my stomach
   juice that drives me
      is surging
      through the tunnels
              of my body
           granted
          one breath
      to choose
    crunching    to whirling
   the smell of burnt plastic
invades what senses
I have about me
         then still
overwhelmed by
       a sense of   why me
            only       a scratch
              Luck      or destiny..
                        to walk away
                         from this rubble
   to leave this     breathing
         to be
               alive...

Good write. Just my two cents worth.
Much enjoyed. Chris

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

4 posted 2005-11-16 02:02 PM

Thank you

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
-Dylan Thomas

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.