Watch Me Burn (Repost from 2000)

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Broken_Winged_Angel
Senior Member

since 2000-04-06

Posts 994
Small Town, Somewhere

0 posted 2004-06-23 08:30 PM

Broken heater
   Broken dreams
      Frozen water pipes
         I could scream
             Sub-zero tempatures
                   Frozen toes
                       Colder cheeks
                   Where's my nose?
             Cold outside is
         Warmer than in me
     Haunted eyes
  No longer see
Tear drops fall
  Or is it rain
     Memories crashing
        Through my brain
            Blizzards coming
                Here's the storm
                    Need someone to hold
                To keep me warm
            Lightening flashes
         Through the night
      Laughing faces
   Fill my sight
      Despair consumes
         No where to turn
            Light this fire
                Watch me burn

< !signature-->

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reposted because I want some critiques on it please. Thank you for the help

BWA

With a little piece of tomorrow,
You'll have to kiss yesterday goodbye.
Because today won't last forever,
And the past will only make you cry.

Your time is here. Take one last look at it, then never come back. This part of your life is already over...

junemac
Senior Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 1005
uk

1 posted 2004-06-24 06:56 AM

I love the presentation. Very clever and easy to read.

Great words and imagery also come through without over use of metaphors. Nice write.
muchly enjoyed here.
Hugs from June x

Annie78
Member

since 2003-10-03

Posts 469
here then there then back here

2 posted 2005-11-15 04:16 PM

I love the way you presented this....and as for the words....sometimes i swear you are writing about my life. i just found this today, wish i had found it sooner.
Annie

there is but a short time to exist, love,laugh,live and never stop believing in miracles

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

3 posted 2005-11-15 04:58 PM

This is awesome. The flow and the design to me are wonderful.
hugs, Chris

Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.
~Carl Sandburg

pictureme2
Member

since 2005-11-13

Posts 194

4 posted 2005-11-15 10:29 PM

I liked the short word usage and the display of words. Flowed well all the way
thru. Great job!

Solstice Son
Member

since 2000-09-19

Posts 469

5 posted 2005-11-30 04:45 PM

you've always written powerfully stark images

they are never vague or ethereal

you feel what you write

see it

breathe it

that's what i like

writing that becomes a part of me

mwaaa!

Sol

" and I dream of her always,
even when I don't dream.
her name's on my tongue
and her blood's in my stream."

'Christmas in Prison' John Prine

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