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PassionatelyRomantic
Member

since 2004-01-24

Posts 190

0 posted 2004-02-23 02:50 PM

I was out for a moonlit stroll,
traipsing beneath the starlit sky,
as I stopped to search upon a knoll-
out of the corner thou caught my eye.

Like a butterfly she doth emerged,
from thy hidden dwelling place,
for her the wind doth surged,
and found itself upon her face.

Thou was summoned directly from thy God,
to usher thy soul from Hell,
upon the ground she did not trod,
but doth flew like an angel!

Wherever she doth graced,
it appeared the stars shown secretly,
hoping to meet upon her face,
was the reason they shown so brightly.

As thou trod along the beach,
the waves furiously came ashore;
eroding the sand they tried to reach,
and plead to thee with their dying roar.

My heart too tried her very best,
to be sought in thy loving display,
boundlessly trying to leap from thy breast,
so that I may see thou another day!

[This message has been edited by PassionatelyRomantic (02-24-2004 02:39 PM).]

midnightblues
Senior Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 1597
Singapore

1 posted 2004-02-24 01:01 AM

Dear Jared,

It took me some time to work out the thou(s) n doth, but I really like this poem

And I like the imagery that you use here:

My heart too tried her very best,
to be sought in thou loving display,
boundlessly trying to leap from thy breast,
so that I may see thou another day!

So the heart is a 'she'.. how true!

Love
MiCheLLe

If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite

since 2000-01-30

Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London

2 posted 2004-02-28 09:37 AM

I like the whole poem for the most part, though if it were me, I'd exchange the 'thous' and what-have-yous for something that has more the sounds of today

only in my opinion of course ... it's still a lovely poem the way you've written it

If you continue
to think
what you have always thought
you will continue
to get
what you have always got!

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

3 posted 2004-02-28 01:54 PM

(big angel hugs) Oh Jared, you truly are a romantic with a classical heart, sweet friend, God Bless You, I wish for true love to always sing in you, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jared, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

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