I have a sad tail to tell
Yet one with a happy ending,
Butt I'm getting ahead of myself-
I best start at the beginning.

Not too long ago
I had a sore affliction,
Which had long developed
Within my lower section.

On my lower "back forty"
I had a certain itching,
It was a true pain in the butt--
Much to my bewitching!

I tolerated it patiently
It's irritation I could out wait,
Until came the days of inflation--
When it swoll up like a grape.

So I went to my doctor
A stranger to me, no doubt,
Who after a look and some prodding
Said,"This baby needs to come out!"

"I'll set you up with a surgeon
Who your trouble can eliminate,
He's new here at the clinic."
I said," Oh won't that be great!"

So the next week later
I went expecting to leave,
Minus my hemorrhoid affliction
But his words made me grieve.

"I can't do this in the office
If you bleed too much, we're in trouble,
We can do it as an Out-Patient
It will only cost you double!"

By now the pain in my butt
Was starting to go to my head,
"I don't care how much it costs,"
So I gave him the go-ahead.

The day before the surgery
I had to pre-admit,
Give blood,EKG, and X-ray
To such I had to submit.

My friends, when they heard of my plight
Began telling horror stories,
Of others who had it done
Only to add to my worries!

Then the fateful day came
Which I faced like an execution,
Put to the knife, an innocent man
All 'cause of a painful extrusion!

It was bad enough not eating
Not even a prisoner's "last meal,"
Before I would go under
The surgeon his knife to wield.

But the anestheia worked like a charm
I slept through the whole darn thing,
I awoke and  it was all over--
I didn't even need a foam ring!

I thought the greatest pain would be
The recovering from my ills,
And it yet may just be so--
When I see all the medical bills!

The End,(like new again!)  

[This message has been edited by deleeme (edited 08-12-2001).]

paladin

You don't have a choice to die but you do have a choice how you meet it.