this is my first poem please rate

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southern sweetheart
Junior Member

since 2003-12-28

Posts 18

0 posted 2004-01-05 11:31 PM

she had dark hair
and pale like skin
freckles on her face
demples on her chin

many though she would stray
and run to a place
she dreamed of all through the day

the place was dark
no one in sight
no flowers
or grass
no noise
no light

she lughted
and woundered why
was she finnally happy
alone
no one in sight

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

1 posted 2004-01-06 02:20 AM

You have a nice little mystery going. I kept reading to find the answer. If you want input you should check your spelling. do you have a spell checker? They're wonderful. Joyce

ellie LeJeune
Member Elite

since 2000-01-10

Posts 4156
King of Prussia, PA USA

2 posted 2004-01-06 07:40 AM

Lots of insight in this poem...sometimes we need that solitude to get in touch with our own truth. Ellie

A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

3 posted 2004-01-06 08:58 AM

Very insightful first post.
I'm sure you will love it here.
Please check your email for a special greeting.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

jaicie114
Senior Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 750
On the edge of forever

4 posted 2004-01-06 09:00 AM

Southern...

Welcome to Passions. This is a sweet poem...I'll look forward to more of your work.

Love and Light...jc

This I know as Truth...we are all Beings of Light.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

5 posted 2004-01-06 09:37 AM

Jamie~
WELCOME to Passions !!!
A lovely penning of poetic thoughts~

Hope you will become familiar with all the forums we have to offer~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram
[email protected]

Michelle_loves_Mike

Senior Member

since 2003-12-20

Posts 1189
Pennsylvania

6 posted 2004-01-06 11:55 AM

Welcome to Passions~

~
your write is nice, a little mystery keeps you guessing,,,,,looking forward to more,,,,,(keep an eye on your spelling)
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

southern sweetheart
Junior Member

since 2003-12-28

Posts 18

7 posted 2004-01-21 06:35 PM

thanks for the in put

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

8 posted 2004-02-22 10:29 PM

good for the first one...keep learning

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

9 posted 2004-02-28 03:12 PM

(sigh) This is a most wonderful and poignant debut, sweet friend, mystery indeed fills these words and I hope this person finds the answer and it never leaves this one alone, God Bless You! Welcome to Passions, sweet friend, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your wonderful words, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

midnightblues
Senior Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 1597
Singapore

10 posted 2004-02-28 03:15 PM

Dear Jamie,

This is very sweet

very nice indeed!

Welcome to passions dear

Love
MiCheLLe

If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues

junemac
Senior Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 1005
uk

11 posted 2004-02-29 08:15 AM

Lovewly Jamie,
the typo errors are easy to get past with spell check but a magnificent first poem and i know you will enjoy pouring more wonderful heart-stories on to your pages.

look forward to more.
hugs from june xxxxxxxx

aujussy wolf

Senior Member

since 2003-08-09

Posts 1215
Michigan

12 posted 2004-03-05 09:16 PM

cool first write , i like he detachment , the peace of nothing is amazing , keep writing babe and welcome to the house of pip

jw

J.Samm
Member

since 2004-01-12

Posts 415
Iloilo City, Philippines

13 posted 2004-03-06 05:49 AM

i loved this part, quite rhythmic too:

the place was dark
no one in sight
no flowers
or grass
no noise
no light

(just keep an eye on your spelling)
welcome to the forum! keep on writing!

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

14 posted 2004-03-06 05:35 PM

Very nice first post!
Welcome to Passions !

A little help with spelling and you are well on your way to great writing. Keep it up. hugs, Chris

southern sweetheart
Junior Member

since 2003-12-28

Posts 18

15 posted 2004-03-09 12:02 PM

ok well im only 16 so im kinda new at this but yeah i put it on here like at 2 in the morning so i guess i didnt re -read opps

Insomniac Cat
Member

since 2003-09-23

Posts 69
The Land of the Dadaists

16 posted 2004-03-09 01:06 PM

I too enjoyed the ambiguity of the piece and the emotion.

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