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Snowy Night
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Snowy Night |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind 
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Snowy Night When I heard you were on the road, I thought I wouldn't have cared. Yet when I heard snow was here, My heart started swaying its tail As its body grows cold in the sea. During the course of dinner, I asked many times Whether the road would be too wet. As I sat in my ride to home, I wondered if I should phone. Finally, I dialed up your cell. The only voice I heard was your answering machine. My eyes were on the road Yet my heart was miles away Wishing I was there for you. On a snowy night, I'm missing you. On a snowy night, may peace go with you. (c)Jan 4, 2003 Eliza Simmons Eliza Simmons ~Every girl has a dream within. ~Yesterday insult, today gain. [This message has been edited by aries_luv_ppl (01-04-2004 08:19 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 Eliza Simmons - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
sad, so sad  |
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Shereen Member
since 2004-01-05
Posts 57Michigan, USA |
You have captured emotional depth at its best. When I read this, I feel concern and sadness - as though I am experiencing the words personally. Good job. Shereen. |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Apt poem for me today. The roads are bad I want all of my loved ones off them. Good job Eliza. Joyce |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
It's so sad when someone we care for is out in bad weather and we can't get in touch with them. You wrote of this feeling very well. Hugs~ In the midst of winter.. |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
would you mind critique the English and grammar of my poem? A friend think I use metaphor wrong.........cuz a heart doesn't have tails..........what do u all think? Eliza Simmons |
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Shereen Member
since 2004-01-05
Posts 57Michigan, USA |
I think poetry is what it is because of what the poet "sees". It doesn't matter how rediculous one's words may seem to some - what matters is that the reader can relate to how the words make him/her feel. Poetry is metaphor in most cases. In my experience, almost always. Please, continue to write what you "see" in your heart and mind for that is what makes you a poet. I am interrested to know if your friend writes. Poetry is made of many colors, never be afraid to let yours shine! Your friend, Shereen. |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
oh that friend is my online writer group editor.......I guess she just want perfect  Thanks for supporting me. Eliza Simmons |
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