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fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

0 posted 2003-02-22 01:08 AM

It was sometime during the night,
when the storms were high
and the clouds were low.
Our infant faces were unprepared
for the terrible scenes
and the dying screams.
We called to God in helpless fright,
for the tender mercy
that only He could give.
The lame, the blind, the hearing impaired
are the only ones
that can tell our
fractured tale.

"If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"
-- Magus
"there is no good and evil, there are just sides."
-- Local Parasite

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

1 posted 2003-02-22 03:43 PM

A very sad story. These things have happened often lately. Joyce

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

2 posted 2003-02-22 07:38 PM

yes, it is sad. I wished you add a happy ending to the end. But well, guess what? It's life.

~Every girl has a dream within.

Minister Joe
Member

since 2003-02-22

Posts 78
TX, USA

3 posted 2003-02-23 01:12 AM

The consequences of war.. fighting--violence, sometimes the only ones that can speak of it's true nature--are it's survivors. Perhaps if you considered focusing on one such survivor--that immediacy / intmaticy with your reader to the subject, would be stronger.

Thank you for sharing,

--Matt

Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

4 posted 2003-02-23 05:05 PM

Thanks, all, for the replies. Cool advice, Minister. I'll see what I can do in putting it into action in my next such war piece. Your criticism got me to thinking about how unsure I am about just who the speaker of this poem is. All I know is that he is dead.

"If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"
-- Magus
"there is no good and evil, there are just sides."
-- Local Parasite

coyote
Senior Member

since 2001-03-17

Posts 1077

5 posted 2003-02-24 11:09 AM

"Though he were dead, yet shall he live..."
in the telling?

Another good write, Frac.

coyote

"The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none."
Thomas Carlyle

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

6 posted 2003-02-25 09:29 AM

Excellent write, but sad.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

7 posted 2003-02-25 09:34 PM

Fracta~
Hey .... this touched a deep chord in this lady's heart~

'Our infant faces were unprepared
for the terrible scenes'

Powerful imagery~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
[email protected]

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

8 posted 2003-02-27 05:07 PM

Enjoyed...James

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