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Open Poetry #8
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Never Learn ( for my muse)
| Open Poetry #8 |
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Never Learn ( for my muse) |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I feel like I owe you an apology, or perhaps an explanation, I know I've hurt us both ... and the pain has taken its toll on our inspiration. Maybe it will help us both to heal if I can make you at last understand ... with me it's always been this way ... love and heartache seem to go hand in hand. I don't deliberately try to hurt you ... it's the same as hurting me, Its just so much of who I am ... it just seems meant to be. And I'm sorry, I know it's yet another hard lesson learned, God, I'm just so drawn to the flame ... but always knowing I'm gonna get burned. I didn't intend to fall so hard for him ... some things just get under our skin, he wrote me all those pretty words, his invitation swept me in. He was just supposed to be a distraction, a momentary reprieve ... somewhere along the line, he became the oxygen that I breathe. Just once in my life I wanted to be touched in this way ... just once in my life I need for contentment to actually stay. I'm starting to doubt that touch really exists ... still the next hand that touches me, will be just as hard to resist. Why does it seem that contentment always comes with a price ... why does my heart never learn, why do I learn all the losses twice. And I know this need makes me so damn pathetic and weak, I already know the answers, its the reasons that my heart seeks. I can handle the things of their hearts ... that they cant give to me, it's what they cant take from me ... that I need to give so desperately. I wish I was more like them, the way they turn it on and off so easily, How do you turn off honest awe ... how do you slow down pure intensity. I'm just looking for temporary sanctuary from this sin beneath my skin, I'm just trying to learn the rules to this game I cant ever seem to win. So please forgive me, my sweet muse ... for without you I am lost, I can live with this aching heart ... but the loss of inspiration is just too much of a cost. I hope this helps you to know me ... helps you to finally understand ... I need you here beside me ... poets pen and heart in hand. Janet Marie (begging me muse for every line)*sigh* ---------------------- It's amazing How you make your face just like a wall How you take your heart and turn it off How I turn my head and you lose it all ... And it's unnerving (How one move just puts me by myself) There you go just trusting someone else (Now I know I put us both through hell) ... I'm not sayin That there was nothing wrong (I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me) And I'm not sayin (We ever had the right to hold on) (I just didn't wanna let you get away from me) ~Leave~ ~MB20~ [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 06-18-2000).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Fellow butterfly - this is heart rending... These lines: He was just supposed to be a distraction, a momentary reprieve ... somewhere along the line, he became the oxygen that I breathe. I'm starting to doubt that touch really exists ... still the next hand that touches me, will be just as hard to resist. Hugs JM - you've done well here...  K |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
.gif) Oh sweet J.M. This one rips me YOU KNOW I KNOW YOU KNOW I KNOW He was just supposed to be a distraction, a momentary reprieve ... somewhere along the line, he became the oxygen that I breathe. Just once in my life I wanted to be touched in this way ... just once in my life I need for contentment to actually stay. I wish I was more like them, the way they turn it on and off so easily, How do you turn off honest awe ... how do you slow down pure intensity. I'm just looking for temporary sanctuary from this sin beneath my skin, I'm just trying to learn the rules to this game I cant ever seem to win. Oh dear butterfly girl this is truly pain filled and soul searching, **AWH's** my S.S. Love ya!! |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
JM, You have a firm grip on my heartstrings here. He is the inspiration until he is gone then I am left with no song If only I could hold him keep his heart very near I could let go of my fear Here's to you, sweet JM write through the pain And let your heart mend Great work...I loved it. Take care. **HUGS** Lone Wolf Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end. --Michael W. Smith |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Hugs. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Inspiring. Doc |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Oh, JM, thankfully, you have muse. Heart touching and truly makes me sad for you. ~hugs from netswan |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Oh Janny~ You have shown us how much you are hurting in this. Sweet Janny I hope the pain resolves soon for you and your heart, but hon don't change the way you are you really don't want to be more like them..do you?? Love to you always Jan Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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WhiteNite Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 241Montgomery, AL |
Learning the lessons (and losses) twice... man do I hear ya. =) Love ya. One day someone who deserves you will come along.  --Dave "Don't let your character get camoflaged with your environment. Find who you are and let it stay in its true colors." --Rachel Joy Scott |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
In your writing, the healing begins. Search and let the words fall, balm to your aching heart. Wonderful, Janet. Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Ok I am speechless...wow... I don't deliberately try to hurt you ... it's the same as hurting me, Its just so much of who I am ... it just seems meant to be. He was just supposed to be a distraction, a momentary reprieve ... somewhere along the line, he became the oxygen that I breathe. I can handle the things of their hearts ... that they cant give to me, it's what they cant take from me ... that I need to give so desperately. I wish I was more like them, the way they turn it on and off so easily, How do you turn off honest awe ... how do you slow down pure intensity beautifully written, BIG HUG also and a smile ------------------------ "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." E.E Cummings. "Art is a lie which makes us realise the truth." Pablo Picasso "We Irish are too poetical to be poets, we are a nation of brilliant failures" Oscar Wilde ----- |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Never Learn is a good source of inspiration for you I see. Supposed to be a reprieve somewhere down the line he became the oxygen I breathe. Hummm very good - can't escape your own heart and yet, what would you be without it. I surmise that you would'nt be the fine poet you are today....... |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
This is melancholy and so beautiful...I can feel your heart break and soul searching so vividly. Don't let em harden you!! You just stay the same sweet Janet Marie, ok?!! Love and hugs, Lizzie  "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight." |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
janet~ wow! this was both powerfully intense and beautifully sad. you continue to amaze me with the depth that you go for with your writing. i love it! i can relate to this piece in more than one way, as you know. remember what you tell me okay. be true to yourself, and just wait. things will fall into place. i take all of your advice etc that you give me and i cherish it. so now here's a word of my own advice. please don't change. i love ya just the way you are. i know how much it hurts, but i also know that even the heartache and pain in our lives shapes who we are. and you lady, are one fine person! take care. love ya! amy "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends." "Fate exists but it can only take you so far, Because once you're there It's up to you to make it happen." |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Hi Janet, even if you did have to beg your muse for every line you did an AMAZING job---your desperation and despair show through in this. Elizabeth I'm grabbing my hat and coat I'm leaving the cat a note Quick call me a ferry boat-getting out of town! |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
*grabbing tissue, one for me, and one for you!*  Girl, this has got to be the most sincere, and longing piece of writing I've yet read. Oh my goodness. Definately bleeds from your heart....I hope he sees this, as it does explain alot. Isn't it funny how we can fall so hard over the smallest stone thrown in our path...The slightest shift, makes us lose our balance...The lines Severn highlighted are definately the entirety of this poem in a nutshell. I am just in awe at how you spill your soul so easily on paper girl. Give me lessons? "Fantasies enrich our lives to the fullest, but true satisfaction comes from creating your own story in the real world! Live out your fantasies & make a storybook with beautiful pictures for the world to enjoy! -poetFemme |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Wow! What a tear jerker, Janet Marie! Penned well, like a letter of lost love. Corinne |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Well, how does one say thank you for such amazing, kind, encouraging, and understanding replies... your words heal me like sunshine ... everytime I have doubts or hestitations about posting a poem like this... (as I know I give too much of me away)... the incredible and insightful replies let me know I shouldnt hestitate. thank you my sweet poet freinds..your ALL so very special... When I say "my muse" ... I mean something different than some poets... I know a lot of people have an "outside" source of inspiration, a person or emotional tie ... I have always looked at it as my muse lives inside of me...like a poet's heart of sorts... if that makes sense... kinda like a Gemini twin I guess... anyway thats why I will say "SHE" when refering to my muse ... I feel like she lives inside of me(INSPIRATION) here of late I have been struggling with some of the worst writers block I've ever had and i was trying to work thru that in this piece... it is written to "her" as she seems to be tired of me always breaking or bruising our hearts ... but as so many of you so sweetly and knowingly said ... somethings we just are..it's just WHO we are and I know I wouldnt change it if I could... needy or not...over emotional-- YES...*smile* thank your for accepting and understanding me for the way I am...even when I or SHE cant to those of you who so sweetly E-mailed me after reading this...I was very touched by your concern and friendship... LOVE YA JANET MARIE AND HER MOODY MUSE ... It's amazing How you make your face just like a wall How you take your heart and turn it off How I turn my head and you lose it all ... And it's unnerving (How one move just puts me by myself) There you go just trusting someone else (Now I know I put us both through hell) ... I'm not sayin That there was nothing wrong (I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me) And I'm not sayin (We ever had the right to hold on) (I just didn't wanna let you get away from me) ~MB20~ She says baby, It's 3AM ... I must be lonely, When she says baby, Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes, Says the rains gonna wash away I believe it. ~MB20~ |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Oh JM,...can I hop on to throw my two cents in too?..hehe. This is such heart touching work you have written. The lessons we will learn (the hard way for most)...ouch. I like the way you are talking to "Her" right from your heart. This is a great piece. Please take care. *Peace. |
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sea_of_okc Senior Member
since 1999-06-15
Posts 568Oklahoma City, OK, USA |
*tears in my eyes* Now you made me cry Janet, God this is heart rending. And you know I know... May we all find the strength to let go of those things in our lives that are harmful to our self-esteem and happiness. (((((BIG HUG))))) later-loving-gator |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Janet~ Good Grief! You ripped my heart out girl!! You are soooo good! I'm so glad I'm married and done with all this, I know this all too well. -SEALive,Love,Laugh :) ~SueB |
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JulieAnn Senior Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 754Earth 3rd Rock from the sun!! |
This sounds SO much like me it is scary!!! You have said everything I feel......'nough said...great writing!! Julie :) |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
thank you guys...your so sweet welcome to passions Julie and steve gator...dont cry hon.. it will be ok *smile* thank you for the hugs... cant ever have too many of them later kind-poet-gators |
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Jan Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 114 |
I'm just in awe! And, by the way, been there, still there. Have faith-it will bring you peace. |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
You have penned this one perfectly Jan. very well done. Marina I have been blessed by an Angel that gives wings to my words, and ink to my pen. Marina Crossley |
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