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Open Poetry #8
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Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

0 posted 2000-07-30 11:53 AM


Blindly Driven

sighted and unseeing
  blindness unconcerned
    apathetic chaos
evolves into destruction

impinging brightness
  anxiety fills the night
    rolling oblivion
then visuality restored                                        

angry winds surround
   spreading trepidation
       though silent relief
swells in their wake

future becomes past
   creeping rapidly by
     transient shadows
dispersing in haze

the timeless anticipations
    long sweated details
       now immature memories
evaporating in sequential blurs

until next a wanderer
     some heedless passerby
         fails to see the danger
inherited with listless eyes



thanks to Kamle for her tutorial in free verse and her patient help.
        



Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



© Copyright 2000 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
1 posted 2000-07-30 11:58 AM


WOW extraordinary work, Jamie....

let me congratulate you on this peach of a poem (is that expression still valid by the way???)

seriously loved the stunning imagery here...

regards,
sudhir

Sunnyone
Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England
2 posted 2000-07-30 12:14 PM


Jamie...
        This is beautifully written as only
   you can do, with 'insight', (no pun
   intended!), and images that reach out.
          Great style that you have!!



~~ To Live is to Give ~~


Marina
Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245
Pickering, Ontario
3 posted 2000-07-30 12:52 PM


Fantastic writing Jamie.  You have a talent indeed.

Marina


It is a blessing to have wings for words, and passion in pen
Marina Crossley


ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
4 posted 2000-07-30 12:57 PM


Wonderful powerful images and intense thoughts!
I enjoyed it very much...good writing!

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
5 posted 2000-07-30 01:03 PM


If this is a first venture into free verse Jamie ... I hope there will be many more! Exceptional writing ... just wonderful!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
6 posted 2000-07-30 03:00 PM


I like this very much. What I enjoy most about this form is that we can all see something different in it. Truly, everyman's poem. Great job, sir!    
Tanga
Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 39
BC Canada
7 posted 2000-07-30 04:16 PM


I sit here in quiet comtemplation as the tears slowly trickle down my cheeks. I have
awoken from my deep slumber and my blinded eyes can now see hope that thou has penned within your poem. I humbly bow down and bend my head and give thanks to the wanderer of words who is stepping out of grief's storm and going into the light of life.  What an wonderful word wonderer you are. The blind leading the blind! Inciteful. Hugss <**>


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

8 posted 2000-07-30 04:57 PM


the timeless anticipations
    long sweated details
       now immature memories
evaporating in sequential blurs

until next a wanderer
     some heedless passerby
         fails to see the danger
inherited with listless eyes

---------------------
jamie this is excellent,
very cool poem, cryptic feel to it...
very unique vocabulary choices as well
take care, jm

There are places inside our souls -
that have never been touched.
There are places inside our hearts -
that need to be loved this much.
~jm~


Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
9 posted 2000-07-31 01:43 PM


a little of the mark there Tanga...lol..

Janet Marie- Thanks,, Kamle made me loosen it up alot...hehe...< !signature-->



Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".  




[This message has been edited by Prometheus (edited 07-31-2000).]

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
10 posted 2000-07-31 09:37 PM


Jamie...hey brown eyes this is splendid dark and brooding
Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
11 posted 2000-07-31 09:52 PM


Prometheus,

This was awesome writing!!!!  Loved the new style very much!!!  Looking forward to more.  

LW


Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

12 posted 2000-08-01 10:00 AM


Jamie, this is excellent, you have done a wonderful job here   enjoyed it muchly  
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
13 posted 2000-08-02 11:35 AM


Paula-- How you make these brown eyes shine...you are just so nice... thanks

lone wolf-- thanks a lot... it may be some time before i do that style again....Hard!...lol

Maree--- Thanks so much,,, I am very glad you enjoyed it,,(maybe it was the Kamla influence..lol)



Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

14 posted 2000-08-05 08:27 PM


Well dear J - it all paid off - all those (literally) hours...lol

This ROCKS!

Not 'stiff' at all..ROTF...

proud of you my friend for your foray...and we must do it again soon ok?

Hugs

K

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