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Open Poetry #8
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2000-07-26 05:19 PM


My weary heart imprisons beast.
In echo, does his cry prevail...
Petition, now, my soul's release--
my weary heart imprisons beast.
May Mercy shine love's light on me,
an ocean's weep, of no avail..

My weary heart imprisons beast.
In echo, does his cry prevail.

© Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
1 posted 2000-07-26 05:33 PM


So you heard it too huh?  I thought it was just me.LOL   This is so lovely and with so little words you have said so much.  One to treasure.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

2 posted 2000-07-26 06:44 PM


Petition, now, my soul's release--
my weary heart imprisons beast.
May Mercy shine love's light on me,
an ocean's weep, of no avail..
=====================
is this like "cry me a river"  
did anyone ever tell ya
your sooo sexy when your cryptic  
hehe
*winkie winkie*
me loves ya
me

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
3 posted 2000-07-26 07:27 PM


serenity,
I glad that I came by to read this poem of yours. Such intensity, and describing words.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

4 posted 2000-07-26 07:28 PM


Mark--you are too sweet...and we are too in sync...ew...did I just say n sync?  nevermind...lol

Janet Marie---always way ahead of me...lol...
thank you much me lovely...

Now...was trying for a "Triolet"---I welcome all advice and criticism---gently, please.

and an oops, ya got by me there Bill---I thank you so much for your kind attention...

[This message has been edited by serenity (edited 07-26-2000).]

Ian Llewellyn ap-Griffith
Member
since 2000-02-12
Posts 197
Cincinnati, Oh, U.S.A.
5 posted 2000-07-26 07:39 PM


I was quite taken with this piece. Your use of language and word order is superb. This is the first of yours that I've read, I will read more.

Sing while you may

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2000-07-26 08:39 PM


Serenity~
Just LOVELY !
Don't care what you call it ...
it's beautiful !
Love ya'
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
7 posted 2000-07-26 08:59 PM


serenity,

This is wonderful.....love these lines.....

My weary heart imprisons beast.
In echo, does his cry prevail.

I can tell your heart is not empty though, no echos here.  

Lone Wolf



Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats

T McCoy
Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 186

8 posted 2000-07-26 09:01 PM


how do you say so much with so few words?
this is sooo passionate...glad I clicked!
Tony

X Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521
Oregon
9 posted 2000-07-26 11:49 PM


I really enjoyed this! I know nothing of Triolets! But wonderful job on whatever you did! It was beautifully written!
~Heather

[This message has been edited by X Angel (edited 07-26-2000).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

10 posted 2000-07-27 05:34 AM


oman...I thank you all so much...and after all of your kindness...well, hell, somebody LIE to me---tell me it's a perfect Triolet!!!afterall, who's gonna know?  not me, that's fer sure...LOL...thank you so much!
((((((((((((Group Hug)))))))))))))

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
11 posted 2000-07-27 08:32 AM


This is beautiful Serenity!!! I loved the way this flowed over....Powerfully done...with grace.  Perfect.....though I can't be a critic  
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
12 posted 2004-05-23 09:10 PM


awesome!
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