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Silkdragon
Member

since 2000-06-24

Posts 65

0 posted 2000-07-24 12:52 PM

Here's another poem of mine, and I would greatly appreciate any critical feedback. I don't know much about poetry, I just write what comes... Thanks

Moonlight cascades, ethereal, through the windows
To fall in graceful silence upon untamed spills of satin.
The tumultuous tumble of the waves breaking on the shore
Brings the melodies of the night through the darkness
In lilting cadences, to calm a breathless soul.

The silver light traces your features,
Outlining your body in celestial beauty
As you lie beside me, cradled in the arms of slumber.
The sight of you makes my whole being ache,
Caught in the glorious torment of shattering love.

Hair pale as starlight falls across the pillows,
Drifting over my fingers as my gaze plays across your face.
The breeze slides gently through the open window
Carrying the salt smell of the sea and the rain,
But its soft caress pales before the heated memory of your touch.

Your passion undoes me, searing my soul with its fiery heights.
The brilliance of your spirit, so hidden from the world
Draws me more surely than a moth to a flame.
You twist around me in a storm of emotion
And I've seen the vulnerability no one else has ever known.

A smile pulls at my lips as the moonlight falls over us.
Breaking with tenderness, I allow myself to touch your face,
Drawing my fingertips over your cheek.
The fire inside you is dangerous for me....
I won't mind getting burned.

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant

since 2000-06-17

Posts 5546
missouri

1 posted 2000-07-24 12:55 PM

"The fire inside you is dangerous for me. I wont mind getting burned." Neither would I...so very beautiful.

never say never

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

2 posted 2000-07-24 01:02 AM

Wow Erin! and you say you can't write poetry...liar!

Extremely powerful imagery, I especially loved "Moonlight cascades, ethereal, through the windows
To fall in graceful silence upon untamed spills of satin" -- That brings a great picture to my head. Extremely sensual and beautiful work my friend, keep it up!

*Krista Knutson*

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."
-Barbara DeAngelis

Wesley the Blue
Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 426
Forest Lake, MN, USA

3 posted 2000-07-24 01:03 AM

very nice. its fun to play with fire......

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

4 posted 2000-07-24 01:20 AM

I am in awe of this...incredible writing!! You should get this published!

Ruby dagger
Member

since 1999-08-01

Posts 76
Wyoming, MN, U.S.A

5 posted 2000-07-25 12:09 PM

WOW! That was amazing, wow. Incredible how you can create a picture so clear in one's imagination. Great poem.

Luv

Kelly

"At the right time and place, a question was more deadly than any sword." -Mercedes Lackey

Dusk Treader

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-06-18

Posts 1187
St. Paul, MN

6 posted 2000-07-25 12:09 PM

Wonderful poem, Erin, lot's of beautiful imagery!

Abrahm Simons

"Keep on dreamin' boy 'cause when you stop dreaming it's time to die" - Blind Melon

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

7 posted 2000-07-25 05:18 AM

Wow!! beautiful imagery!! Loved this! Wonderful writing SilkDragon

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