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Open Poetry #8
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That Star
| Open Poetry #8 |
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That Star |
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Trew Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Ottawa, Canada 
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That Star And then it happened. Perhaps it had been that way All along I don't really know. But looking back over the journey That brought me to it I realize that I may have passed it by A thousand times A single star In an endless sky It went unnoticed for years. One moonless summer night Enveloped in a cool breeze Alone in a clearing Lost in the smell of pine And new clover A young man gazed upward And the night revealed to him Its hidden beauty And time ceased to exist. Its beauty was so simple So pure That single star was so bright That it captivated the young man And he watched in awe Until the gentle glow Of an August dawn filled the sky. The man never saw that star again Though he searched often When he was alone Others doubted his story At times, he doubted himself But in his heart, he knew. The beauty was real The innocence was real And in a way it was his Only his. I, too, have seen that star It shone with more beauty More innocence And more purity Than any star in the sky. For one brief moment, that star Shone in your eyes And time, for me Ceased to exist. [This message has been edited by Trew (edited 06-14-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Trevor Watson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Oh wow Trew....* SWOON* This is just tenderly, sweetly perfect! What a breathtaking story, that aches with romance!  I love how the ending came together so well, too. Thumbs up from me for sure....aahhhh..  |
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whiskey
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278Australia |
This is wonderful Trew ,I liked it very much |
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Syntax Junior Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 25 |
Wonderfully fairy-tale like, yet beneath, so utterly romantic. A nicely penned piece of work! syntax |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is a beautiful poem, my friend. It's very well-written, and I love the subject. I really enjoyed it. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
This piece is very beautiful and thought-provoking. Great job!! Nathan |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Very Sweet Indeed! Coco |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Touching elegance you are, here, now, with this... Sunshine ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ |
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insect Senior Member
since 2000-04-22
Posts 1014 |
This shines! Thanks for sharing! |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
How very beautiful! Corinne |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Trew~ What a rapturous moment you've captured. It's as though the very star of which you speak ... shines before me. Awesomely romantic. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Trew, This was beautiful. So romantic....sigh. In the presence of the one we love, there is no such thing as time or space. There is only us. Wonderful writing!! Lone Wolf Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end. --Michael W. Smith |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
"Lost in the smell of pine And new clover A young man gazed upward ... ...it captivated the young man And he watched in awe Until the gentle glow Of an August dawn filled the sky." Simple elegance penned here ... I will surely be looking for more from you. I was a bit perplexed, though, by the change of person from "I"(first) to "him (third)," and then back to "I" (with an indication that the two were not one -- "I, too, have seen that star"). Was there a specific reason for this? --Kess YOUR LIFE IS A TEST It is only a test ... If this were your Actual Life, you would have been given better instructions! |
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Eloise Senior Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 1096Wyoming |
Trew, what a beautiful tale you tell. Loved the last stanza. |
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Trew Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Ottawa, Canada |
pFF:  thank you so much!whiskey, syntax, LoveBug, Nathan, Coco, Sunshine, insect and Corinne, I'm glad that you all enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and taking the time to answer! I do so enjoy all of your works. It means a lot to know you've read mine. Marge: I'm honoured. Let it shine!  Lone Wolf: Precisely the point I was going for. Thanks for reading! Kess: Heck of a question! I was trying to get a first/third narrative working. The first stanza was my explanation to the reader. The middle three are intended to be about the same person, but in a detached manner. As though I were telling her a story. The last is my explanation to her and , secondarily, the reader. I wasn't sure if it would work... Thanks for reading and the question. I hope I've explained it ok! Again, thanks all! Trew. |
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Trew Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Ottawa, Canada |
Eloise: Thank you! I seem to have had the reply window open way too long! Sorry I missed you on the first one. |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
JUMPIN UP AND DOWN LOVIN IT WANTING MORE THIS POEM ROCKED I LIKE IT AND YUH! oh crap lookin up were my caps on sorry [This message has been edited by wayoutwalt (edited 06-15-2000).] |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
This was breath-taking Trew ... I was mezmorized by the beautiful imagery, and then felt a wonderful double-take as you swept into the last verse where the beauty shone in "her" eyes ... exceptional verse Trew! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Trew Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Ottawa, Canada |
wayoutwalt: You rock!  Glad you liked it!Kit: That was what I was trying for! The whole 'turnaround' feel on the last stanza. Thanks for making time for me! Trew. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Trew~ this is soooooo sweet! I loved how you told it, beautiful....*SIGH* -SEA |
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JulieAnn Senior Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 754Earth 3rd Rock from the sun!! |
Very romantic and mystical..I enjoyed it very much!! It sort of made me think of the midevel days...the most romantic time in history as far as i am concerned...very beautiful though thanks for sharing this!! Julie :) |
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peppermint35 Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1106Texas, USA |
Sooooo lovely....very romantic and very, very well done. To see that star  sigh Peppermint Life is a Wheel |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Somehow I seem to have missed this before But man, am I glad I found it now I think you should submit this one for the book Trew All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep |
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