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Open Poetry #8

A Love Without Reason

LarBear
Member

since 2000-06-23

Posts 138
Kingston, New York

0 posted 2000-07-14 03:45 PM

A love without reason
Has my heart fallen or broken?
Is this loves greatest question?
Do my kisses no longer mean the same?
Why do you cry?
When I look into your eyes.
Can you feel?
A loss?
Can you see?
You without me?
How did this happen?
Life’s greatest gift is love.
Can I not have yours?
No rhyme, No reason.
A love lost, a love all gone.
Faded memories.
Faded dreams.
A love without reason.

LarBear

Cuddlez
Member

since 1999-11-27

Posts 422
Walla Walla, WA 99362

1 posted 2000-07-14 03:47 PM

Me hopes you can let go and find a love "with reason"...

Time flies? Say it not so, time stays we go.

Sunnyone
Member Ascendant

since 2000-07-06

Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England

2 posted 2000-07-14 04:41 PM

LarBear.....

          I like the way you wrote this.
    I've felt this way....left with just
    the questions.

             Love will find you again...

My heart is an open book
....take a look....

IsGona
Senior Member

since 2000-07-14

Posts 723

3 posted 2000-07-14 05:04 PM

I like this! well written and something I think alot of ppl can relate to.

LiLOnE
Junior Member

since 2000-07-12

Posts 41
Sudbury, Ma

4 posted 2000-07-14 06:55 PM

Hey LarBear.
I really like your poem.. I think it is very sweet... but I have just one suggestion...
When you say "Can you feel?
A loss?
Can you see?
You without me?"
Thats a little awkward becuase its like your cutting the question in half and making it two...
Maybe you would want to try something like
"Can you feel a loss?
Can you see with out me?

I don't know--just some suggestions !
Your poem is beautiful though!!

~*LiLOnE*~

LarBear
Member

since 2000-06-23

Posts 138
Kingston, New York

5 posted 2000-07-15 02:25 PM

Thanks for the comments:

Why did I write this this way?
Well its a pause that really leave you thinking.

Maybe instead of can you feel, it might should read Do you feel? A Loss? This means do you feel, or do you have feelings? then do you feel a loss?

Can you see? Means do you see what your doing? Do you see us no longer together.

These are two questions.

Thanks LarBear

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