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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2000-06-13 03:32 AM

Can you not--
see?
her dancing...
What rhythm
of her heart
is bleak?
Do you not
feel
moon entrancing?
Defy it.
(though your knees be weak.)

Oh--close those eyes,
listen--LISTEN.
Allow her voice
entice your ear...
The last two notes
(those words she spoke...)
the cleansing salt
of yearning's tears.

[This message has been edited by Nan (edited 07-08-2000).]

wayoutwalt
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)

1 posted 2000-06-13 03:35 AM

i like this style of yours it flows so well and spends me deep in a dream like state..love it!

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

2 posted 2000-06-13 04:04 AM

Oh Beautiful Serenity!!!
I swayed with this......

                  Can you not--
                  see?
                  her dancing...
                  What rhythm
                  of her heart
                  is bleak?
                  Do you not
                  feel
                  moon entrancing?
                  Defy it.
                  (though your knees be                     weak.)

Loved this very much, flowed beautifully!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! wishing you love and joy!
and have a Merry time !

Thanks for your kind wishes.

My grief lies onward and my joy behind
(Shakespeare)

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2000-06-13 12:47 PM

walt---thank you so much--I owe you many smiles...

Dark Angel--thank you again, me birthday 'bud'---now I am off to enjoy the day...

redheart angrybraids
Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 410
honolulu, hawaii

4 posted 2000-07-07 12:31 PM

-the cleansing salt of yearning tears,

how beautiful, what a sullen story, but beautiful,

Kindly,
Redheart Angrybraids

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

5 posted 2000-07-08 07:15 AM

It's amazing to me sometimes just how much power the title of a poem holds... This is nicely done under any guise..

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

6 posted 2000-07-08 07:23 AM

a graceful and wonderous dance now I wish I did not have two left feet. LOL

"Death makes angels of us all and put wings where we once had shoulders, smooth as raven's wings. Jim Morrison

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-22

Posts 9245
Illinois

7 posted 2000-07-08 11:33 PM

I agree this has ya swayin'!

I didn't know it was your birthday. So pardon me, but Happy Belated Birthday!!!!

Jamie
Member Elite

since 2000-06-26

Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

8 posted 2000-07-09 03:25 PM

I can.
I can see her
I can hear her
I can feel her.
Thanks to your beautiful words.
I can

Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".

Lady Web
Member

since 2000-04-12

Posts 96
Houston, Texas

9 posted 2000-07-09 04:33 PM

    Yes, flowing words that oh so glow
         I liked this very much

Very nice !

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

10 posted 2000-07-10 03:33 PM

much thanks to all, especially Nan for helping me with the editing experiment--
certainly gave me something to think about.

Much gratitude.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

11 posted 2000-07-10 03:50 PM

Do I ever like the style, it caught me and consumed me.....Excellent from beginning to end!

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite

since 2000-01-30

Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London

12 posted 2000-07-10 04:06 PM

I've danced with agility ... but never with serenity
but ... no problem
just curl up your toes and smile

beautiful poem

Ethan Halo
Senior Member

since 2000-04-28

Posts 793
on the roof again

13 posted 2000-07-10 07:52 PM

there's no one who appreciates a good dance like me, but to put dancing into the rhythm-ful verse you have is quite a feat! most impressive, serenity. you have captured that feeling of dancing on air.

i like the lines:
Allow her voice
entice your ears

it's nice to let the lady to lead sometimes. =)

We all got our demons.
We all got somethin' to atone for.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

14 posted 2000-07-11 01:57 AM

I knew this one would get a good response. I'm glad you (re)posted it.

Mike

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