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Open Poetry #8
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Out of Line
| Open Poetry #8 |
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Out of Line |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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Out of Line It’s been a long time, she said into the dull phone the phone that had been waiting waiting for just this call Where are the dreams we had, she thinks you were going to bring them to me remember how when you left you turned against the sunset I saw the tear You with your bright star I saw it first before you even knew its name it was your future far far it would take you and stake you I could feel it when I fell and tried to keep from looking into you down into the brown eyes of your growing but I did fall and your arms measured me and I could see that I was not quite right His voice sucks her into the wire across the lines that dissect the sky and makes lives accountable with it whispered answers she can see him hunched into his shoulders delaying truth with pretty words looking across the yard where a cat sits somnolent in the doorway and perfume invades the room seeping from the closet He is saying good bye now the shattering is too loud she cups the receiver to keep it from finding her ear The phone drops for a moment from the grasp of his shoulder as he types answers that are important into the glass eye of his future Good bye she says into the dangle of line that lays broken and betrayed on the desktop and all he can hear is a dial tone. [This message has been edited by Martie (edited 07-11-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Martie, that was just wonderful. Of the many pieces of your's I've read, this ranks high in my favorites (or do I say that each time I comment...be hard not to...). Again, I'm jealous of a line..." and your arms measured me and I could see that I was not quite right". I adore it. (the whole piece I mean). jwesley |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Ow, Martie. Such a sad piece, but very vivid - the pain. Well written. Enjoyed. ~netswan |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very sad story, very beautifully done piece of writing, Martie! Denise |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Martie~ You've just gone and done it again ! I shouldn't be so consistently taken with your easy words (HA ! For YOU !) but I am. This - 'You with your bright star I saw it first before you even knew its name' And this - 'I fell and tried to keep from looking into you down into the brown of your growing but I did fall and your arms measured me and I could see that I was not quite right' And this - 'as he types answers that are important into the glass eye of his future' You force me to say it again ..... you're something else !  I'm so glad you're a poet ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
jwesley--Wow, what a wonderful reply, thanks! Netswan--The pain was not mine--but I'll take the well written--thanks! Denise--Hi, thanks for the wonderful reply! Marge--and you force me to say...I'm glad that you have responded with such wonder..and that you are my friend. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Martie-- I have to say that I enjoy all your works, but this I believe to be my favorite of yours. It holds special meaning to me and I have read it a least a 1/2 dozen times and I still can't find the words. Please accept that I love it. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
You work gets only more wonderful, if that is possible. Marge's response says it all and I believe everyone can agree that you are an outstanding writer and poet Liz |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Martie... martie... Martie... *sigh*... you are so incredibly good at telling these wonderful stories in such a poetic way. Wonderful - that's a good word for you. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Mark--Wow--I am so pleased that you read this so many times and that it touched you...thank you so much for letting me know. Liz--I know one thing...you are good for my ego. I'm so glad you like my stories Long John..they are the most fun for me to do. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Where are the dreams we had, she thinks you were going to bring them to me remember how when you left you turned against the sunset I saw the tear You with your bright star I saw it first before you even knew its name it was your future far far it would take you and stake you I could feel it when I fell and tried to keep from looking into you down into the brown eyes of your growing but I did fall and your arms measured me and I could see that I was not quite right His voice sucks her into the wire across the lines that dissect the sky and makes lives accountable with it whispered answers ----------------- how many times in one night can you knock me out of my chair I'm still recovering from the poem I just read over in Voices and now this... thats it...I'm firing my muse when she comes back LOL (assuming she comes back )  well..just color me jaded and in worship mode again... my my my this place is just amazing tonite... (paper work? what paper work)  later-lady-gator jm |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
I'll simply say I share the awe of Marge and Janet - for the selfsame lines - this is a very special poem (and I'm glad my eyes aren't brown ~G~) |
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