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Open Poetry #8
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In search of a soothing breeze
| Open Poetry #8 |
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In search of a soothing breeze |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
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In search of a soothing breeze In you flew, a soothing breeze, From through the westward window, Calming summer collar's dirty crease, Wiping the sweat from my brow. In you came, shining through moonlit shadows, Ruffled feathers, I stroked, your butterfly wings, Whispering sweet verses of love's glowing halo, In your arms, I enjoyed, the breezy swing. Pausing between our rock-steady glances, I stared, got lost in the starlit milky blanket, Gazing at the dazzle of the Orion advance, You said, I'd lost interest, caused a racket. You took off after a rather heated talk, Leaving behind deathly silence in this heart, Excused yourself on the pretext of a walk, I stayed broken, love spilt, soul ripped apart. Yet, a passionate flame remains still in its burn, In these darkened rooms of my wintered home, Pieces of my heart for you continues to yearn, Seasons have changed, but I continue to roam. I walk untried paths in a mystical potato race, Searching for your love, magic of your grace, An embrace, a lingering kiss, is all I desire, To drown the pains and douse my heart's fire. I am a devout follower, a pilgrim with a love disease, A chaser of dreams, in search of a soothing breeze. ~~~ Death, be not proud, though some have called thee, Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so; - John Donne |
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| © Copyright 2000 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Those times of heated emotions bring the heart to a hurt crescendo and then down again to the mood of sadness. If humans wer'nt so sensitive there would be no daylight shine through the waterfalls of stress that surround all. You captured the scene perfectly Sudhir....... I am like you, "I am a devout follower, a pilgrim with a poetic disease." However, I have never been "in a mystical potato race," but I'd like to be! I think? |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Thanks ethome for reading and "feeling" the same way... well for info's sake, a potato race was a game played when I was very young. Basically a distance of 100M with a potato placed at every 10M. Each competitor had to pick one at a time and place it in a basket at the start of the race, and then go back to the next one. There are various permutations to do this and those are the paths, while the mystical here refers to the the aura behind the potato, maybe each potato is a star shining to be collected, and one of them is my love... is this way to far??? maybe, but then ... aw I better shut up...  Thanks once again for reading... regards, sudhir |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Wow and wow and wow again... Sudhir, I love this---the last two lines are just delicious with longing...just beautiful. |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
WOW of Wow's......this is fantastic work!! The images were amazing, this flowed like a mighty river Sudhir. The lasting impression of the "breeze" over powers the bitter ending I understand...........Great work~ |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Sudhir! This is wonderful. Such imagery, such emotion, such similies --- Loved it. ~netswan |
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michelax Junior Member
since 2000-07-05
Posts 16Malta |
Great last two lines, I loved them! - Michelax |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
In you came, shining through moonlit shadows, Ruffled feathers, I stroked, your butterfly wings, Whispering sweet verses of love's glowing halo, In your arms, I enjoyed, the breezy swing. --------------------- Yet, a passionate flame remains still in its burn, In these darkened rooms of my wintered home, Pieces of my heart for you continues to yearn, Seasons have changed, but I continue to roam. I walk untried paths in a mystical potato race, Searching for your love, magic of your grace, An embrace, a lingering kiss, is all I desire, To drown the pains and douse my heart's fire. I am a devout follower, a pilgrim with a love disease, A chaser of dreams, in search of a soothing breeze. --------------------- OK...there AINT NO WAY...this was wrote with no"temp" muse..... this is awesome SUD!!!!!!!!!! trust me when I tell ya.. your muse is right there by ya... in that poets pen of yours this is perfect. later-potato-race-gator lol jm I think I could need - this in my life If you're gone - baby you need to come home there's a little bit of something me In everything in you MB20 |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Beautiful I enjoyed this one Sudir |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
I am a devout follower, a pilgrim with a love disease, A chaser of dreams, in search of a soothing breeze I find my breezes in your wonderful works. This is a true gem and I agree with jm -- there is no way this is the work of your temp. thanks for this one my friend |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
great line here... "Excused yourself on the pretext of a walk" enjoyed this. thanks for the read. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
The Wind Who has seen the wind? Neither you nor I: But when the trees bow down their heads, The wind is passing by. Christina Rossetti (1830-94), English poet, lyricist. Who Has Seen the Wind? Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Sudhir, my friend. The breeze is beautiful. This is excellent writing. I can feel the longing in your words. If it is meant to be, she will return. Best wishes. Lone Wolf Poetry should surprise by a fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. J.Keat |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
Sudhir, I felt all the emotions with that breeze, very well written. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Your poem is glorious! Kathleen |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
WHOA, WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE! I went into a slumber last night, And woke up this rainy morn, Outside, I saw no sun, no light, It was a dark tuesday born. I started my PC, let the modem sing, Visited PIP, once the Net was connected to, Then I read these appreciative kind words, Stunned by your kindness, all I can say is thank you.... ........ serenity, So many Wows, I am feeling a bit flushed right now... Thanks a lotbutterflies_dont_cry, I like a mighty river... thanks for the lovely words netswan, I am glad that you liked the images... thanks michelax, thanks for reading... Janet, guess my muse temporarily changed his attire and pretended to be my "temp" then LOL  anyway, he seems to have had a great time with your muse, he looks satisfied... but I am sorry to say bye for now to the friendly "temp"... but maybe I will use them interchangingly... Thanks for your kind words... Cocobaci, I am happy to note that you enjoyed this... Thanks... Mark, Thanks a lot. I feel much appreciated... doreen, I am honoured that you picked out a line that you liked... Thank You Jamie, thank you for those four lines... I will treasure them... Lone Wolf, Thats a great deal of support you offer. Thanks... Gemini, Thanks for reading and responding with such kind words Kathleen, I will remember glorious for a long time. Thank You. Sincere Regards to all, Sudhir [This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 07-11-2000).] |
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