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Open Poetry #8
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if you only had a heart...
| Open Poetry #8 |
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if you only had a heart... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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I didn't know hell could be this cold... the sting of a slap of words and the frosty wish of tenderness across the lips warmest regards to you stuck and burning to the iced over metal in your chest... You need a loud clock ticking, Tin Man... You needed to understand. (poppies... poppies would put me to sleep...) just for now to sleep serene forgetting how or that I ever dreamed... [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 07-10-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
powerful words my dear. I would hate to be the one these are directed at... I loved the way you voiced your anger and your hurt. I felt the scolding from here. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
scorching rebuke followed by exhaustion exasperation it seems... very well written Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
WoW...Truly wonderful piece, I just loved it  Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA |
Very Strong poem. Strikes like a knife Rich |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Serenity - this is really great! I love the metaphor... I could feel the rejection, anger, and regret - you did all of this so weel in so few words. Wonderful imagery. |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
GREAT work Serenity! I feel this so much... a heart......a brain........any tiny piece of humanity would be a start!! The question of "what did I ever see" pounds into your soul. Fantastic writing~ |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I didn't know hell could be this cold... the sting of a slap of words and the frosty wish of tenderness across the lips -------------------- You need a loud clock ticking, Tin Man... You needed to understand. --------------- (poppies... poppies would put me to sleep...) just for now to sleep serene forgetting how or that I ever dreamed... ----------------- Mark and Jamie get it ... they dont need to see the wizard ... or have a house fall on them *winkie winkie* (perception is so sexy..dont ya agree)  me heart hurts with ya me twin ... when will we learn ... maybe when flying monkeys come ...(well,you know)  me loves ya baby ... later... you sleep now -K? me I think I could need - this in my life If you're gone - baby you need to come home there's a little bit of something me In everything in you MB20 |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
and if I only had a brain... sigh...back in Kansas...hell, I LIKED EMERALD CITY... thanks to all for listening to "the rant"-- gotta run now---wanna catch the next balloon outta here... |
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insect Senior Member
since 2000-04-22
Posts 1014 |
Let's take this balloon and fly Through the silent sky A vast space so mighty Bound for Emerald City Softly with me Floating free Everything we can see This is where we want to be Over the rainbow Blowing slow A love flow WHAT'S THAT DOWN BELOW? Coming at us, then past us…. ZOOOM!! The wicked witch on the broom "I'LL GET YOU MY PRETTY!!!" Let's drop this big bag of confetti She's blinded, can't see Look she hit that tall tree You're safe with me Here's a hug from me Look! The city so beautiful Like giant jewels shining crystal Like your eyes I guess this is the good-bye *I hope this cheered U up |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Cleverly written. It's a bittersweet read for me, as this reminds me of my father, it is a perfect description of him, the king of all tin men. I really loved your style and creativity in this! Take care, Melissa Honeybee The beauty of poetry gives me wings to fly |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
serenity, sometimes my friend. . . sometimes. . . we wish they would just know. . . sad and bittersweet. . . ------------------------------------------------------ That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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misscris Junior Member
since 2000-07-17
Posts 27Leawood, KS, USA |
Once the queen of all tinwomen, and ironically from Kansas, your poem summed up what I'm sure many ex-lovers would have wanted to say ( if they had, had the guts) Fortunately I met someone who has turned me into mush...thanks for the enlightenment. misscris |
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T McCoy Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 186 |
very powerful. "tin man" that's great. i loved it. Tony |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Whew! I could feel the brunt of your rebuttal here....and that's good writing. I changed the words to this Billy Joel song a little bit just to let you know I'm on your side. "Don't go changin to try and please him you never let him down before I don't imagine he's too familiar if he don't see you anymore." |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
serenity, Powerful write, a lot of emotions, and very good. Glad that I stopped by. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
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