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Open Poetry #8
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Territory
| Open Poetry #8 |
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Territory |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
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"if you go into exile you lost your place in the world" Satre ----- Scratched a circle in the dirt. This will be my place to stand to lay my feet curl up and lie to myself. Broken branch in hand I can stab fatal words here mutilated soil clings to my open wounds. The fresh bait is what I have always been. I curl up to sleep I am not ready for this Not today nor yesterday every second forever delayed. This is my territory claimed in the name of necessity, every vertical requires a stone to lend against. Some deserters wander upon me like stray dogs sniffing the tattered bone they come to inspect, make a mark dose me with urine and leave. "It is not the environment but how you use it", what fool choked upon that truism knew nothing of me. This country like all others offers only sadist respect, it is the rush of heroin, the stabbing needle the spilt second honeymoon the rest is nightmare dependency. Bogged down in negative reflections it is all the same just another time filler until I can fill a hole somewhere I have never been now that would be a nice holiday. The sun dazzles my eyes, there is a moment of dreaming at least, no more no less. A vulture waits as long at it takes. I wear a dying garment my cells decaying and exploding into wrinkles Just watch myself become dust, there is a certain comfort in this hopelessness. Maybe I should have surrounded myself with people become distracted in companionship, formed bounds and sought comfort in shared desolation I did once call cried so loud but no body ever came that was so long ago….it does not matter any more. "I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else" faster-Manic street preachers. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Sad scene. Brings to mind images of transients around the couuntry. Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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MagnoliaBlue Member
since 2000-05-12
Posts 367 |
Oh wow.Blown away. So sad. Very well done. I love the way you express yourself in your poetry and prose.  MagnoliaBlue ~My Skipper Jim I love you! Your Lady June~ |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Really fine work here, brian! Exceptional lines: "Some deserters wander upon me like stray dogs sniffing the tattered bone they come to inspect, make a mark dose me with urine and leave." "it is the rush of heroin, the stabbing needle the spilt second honeymoon the rest is nightmare dependency. Bogged down in negative reflections it is all the same just another time filler until I can fill a hole somewhere I have never been now that would be a nice holiday." "A vulture waits as long at it takes. I wear a dying garment my cells decaying and exploding into wrinkles Just watch myself become dust, there is a certain comfort in this hopelessness." "I did once call cried so loud but no body ever came that was so long ago….it does not matter any more." I particularly liked the vulture reference and the heroin/dependency imagery.... great ending. A fine piece of work. Title is perfect. Thanks for posting this!!!  doreenWhatever you do, don't bring Oko to band practice. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Scratched a circle in the dirt. This will be my place to stand to lay my feet curl up and lie to myself. Broken branch in hand I can stab fatal words here mutilated soil clings to my open wounds. The fresh bait is what I have always been. I curl up to sleep I am not ready for this Not today nor yesterday every second forever delayed. ----------------- Just watch myself become dust, there is a certain comfort in this hopelessness. Maybe I should have surrounded myself with people become distracted in companionship, formed bounds and sought comfort in shared desolation I did once call cried so loud but no body ever came that was so long ago….it does not matter any more. ---------------- *sneaking in passions... procrastinating paper work for poetry* lol well this is way way deep my friend ... you are definalty writing some of your strongest poetry, this one and the one in over in corner pub speak to that. but i will disagree with that last line... it matters ... it always matters ... later-poetic-genius-gator eve |
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crucifix kiss Junior Member
since 2000-07-09
Posts 14uk |
"there is eloquence in screaming" patrick jones sorry about the abundance of quotes in my replies but i felt that it was extrmrly relevant "and as it was with all things, we spoke in rhyme and riddle. Not for fear of detection, for that had happened very long ago, but rather that those wh |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Brian...we all need our "circle in the dirt" for what are we without that space to call our own be it a true patch of dirt or just a space we carve out around us? |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
You've hit home with this one...you really captured that odd combination of hopelessness and comfort in a chosen solitude...exceptional brian. |
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Lady Web Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 96Houston, Texas |
Great words that pierce the soul. Bravo to you. Good job |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Jamie, thanks for your response. An interesting take on the poem, yes i can that image in the poem even though for me it is more personal. MagnoliaBlue, sorry for blown you away. I don't know the strength of my own metaphors. LOL. thanks for your kind words. doreen, thanks for your wonderful response. your words mean alot. Jan, shame on you neglecting that paper work! I know it matters just sometimes it is hard. I guess I am just restless. Thanks for your beautiful words, they are rays of sunshine. crucifix kiss, it seems some of your quotes got cut off  if you read this, I would love to hear the rest of them. "All of my demons they are kept within And all my violence it does not exist" "I look to the future it makes me cry But it seems too real to tell you why Freed from the century With nothing but memory, memory" Thanks. Stay beautiful. Paula, I agree but our personal space can become a prison. I draw on the Joy Divison song isolation for example. Thank you for your comments. serenity, thank you for your wonderful reply Lady Web, Thank you for your kind words. "I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else" faster-Manic street preachers. [This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 07-09-2000).] |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Hey Brian I did'nt know you were that gaurded certainly does'nt reflect in most of your work. But then, this is an art form and you have done a marvellous job creating here. I was totally captured through the whole poem. My God what great expressions! Keep em coming. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Brian, this is excellent writing! |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
ethome, that guarded. hem, well I guess I feel a certain sense of isolation that comes through in my poems "hibernation," "closer" "comfort of nothing" touch on it. This one deals explores it in great detail. I think serenity sumed it up orefectly in her comment. Thanks for your wonderful response. Martie, all I say in return is Thank you so much for your wonderful reply. "I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else" faster-Manic street preachers. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Your words bled. IT was very expressive Brian, good job. Kathleen |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I won't be surprised to see you in a book of famous Irish poets one day (I was just browsing at the book store in the Irish poet's section and thought of you) You are very talented, Brian! Denise |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Brain, A dark pool to stare into, enjoyed the read |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Brian, this is very,very impressive. Sometimes I read a poem, try to imagine the effort that went into its creation, and ask myself if,armed with the same idea, I could have written something as well done. In the case of your poetry, especially writings like this one, I know that I could never even come close. I salute your abilities, sir..... |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Kathleen, thank you for your kind words. Sometimes we have to cut into ourselves with our thoughts to free the pain. Denise, there is a poster with the faces of all the famous Irish writers from Sean O' Casey to W.B Yeats and I often thought about sticking a phoytograph of myself on to the poster. LOL. To even be mentioned in the same breath as Yeats, Kavanagh or Wilde is a high honour. Thank you for your words they mean a lot to me. Seymour, thank you for response and for stopping to stare into my dark pool. Balladeer, "never come close" I refuse to believe this. I deeply admire and respect you as a poet and these words mean so much coming from a poet of great talent. I am deeply honoured by your response. All I can say is thank you. I am just glad to be in the presence of truely talented poets. I thank you all for taking the time to read, response and for your continuing support. It means so much to me, I wish I had the time to thank you individually by e-mail. "I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else" faster-Manic street preachers. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
All of us some amount of reserved territory in which to retreat and I thank you for a glimpse into yours. From one Irishmen to another I salute your talent and remain in awe of your wisdom... |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Scratched a circle in the dirt. This will be my place to stand to lay my feet curl up and lie to myself. Broken branch in hand I can stab fatal words here mutilated soil clings to my open wounds. ... This is my territory claimed in the name of necessity, every vertical requires a stone to lend against. ... Maybe I should have surrounded myself with people become distracted in companionship, formed bounds and sought comfort in shared desolation I did once call cried so loud but no body ever came that was so long ago….it does not matter any more. ...... Amazing speakings from your brilliant mind... great work... Your poetic quality shines through ever so clearly, Brian... On a different level, lets try... I waited, Waited for a hole in the sky to appear, to render, for me, a circle in the sand where I lay my feet; To my dismay that never happened, I look back. I look back to the lost chances, of marking my territory, of choosing my right, booking my place in history... I look back upon lost glory, for being me, for planting a tree upon my promised land, for giving the grave a name... I look back upon a lost chance to lay on a stone, I waited too long for that unseen hole in the sky... see what ya started! anyway, lots of regards, take care, sudhir Death, be not proud, though some have called thee, Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so; - John Donne |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Mark, it is always good to meet a fellow Irish poet. All I can say in reply to your comments is THANK YOU sincerely for your kind words. Sudhir, Thank you my friend I am blushing bright red at your generous comments and in awe at your wonderful words. I ma glad I could offer seeds of inspirations. THank you again. "I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else" faster-Manic street preachers. |
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A.C.Turner Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 83Reading, Pa.Home of Bardfest |
I enjoyed this piece to the hilt. I especially like the way it reads. By the way thanks for not rhyming. I do not rhyme myself and reading too much of it turns me off. Thanks for this immensely wonderful piece. Peace to you. ACT. |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Brian, I am running out of ways to express your brilliance in writing. This poem is quite sad yet full of your talent. |
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ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
an awesome piece of work ... some real stingers in this piece ... favs ... This is my territory claimed in the name of necessity, every vertical requires a stone to lend against. and ... Just watch myself become dust, there is a certain comfort in this hopelessness. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
A.C. Thanks for your wonderful response. I tend to write mostly in free verse, and I agree some poems that rhyme don't work, there is alot of thought involved in working out the rhyme pattern though the last few poems I have written do rhyme. Personally I have nothing against using rhyme. THanks again for your wonderful words. LD, you have me turning beetroot. thanks for your wonderful response. MA, yes it quite a personal piece. Thanks for reading and replying. "Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built Out of longing great wonders have been willed They're only little tears, darling, let them spill" Nick |
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