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Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209


0 posted 2000-07-01 10:20 PM


i aplogize for the length, to condense twenty nine years into one poem isn't easy...   
  

i know now
you know (that hindsight thing...)
that i never loved you
i found this out for certain
by falling head over heels
love at first sight with another...
not a good thing for you and me
for i have known you
since i was sixteen
i first met you almost thirty years ago
and on that day
for you it was that love
the first time you laid eyes on me
thing too
but it wasn't the same for me
i know that now
i only put on your ring
cause you thought i was beautiful
and you know the insecurities
of a middle child (without a father figure)
i needed you to need me
and you did
you wove every ounce of your
needing and loving
suffocatingly around me until
eventually needing to breathe
i fought back
and ended up with a black eye
you knew my want of leaving
you and so
each black eye after that
you wound yourself
even tighter
vowing to never
again hit me
or never again let me go
one of the two
i lost track of your promises
along the way
and i somehow lost who
i was
just someone wrapped up
inside of you
my need to leave was more
afraid of you
than that of staying
and so i stayed
and left you even more so
in control
until (more hindsight here)
that love at first sight thing
and forever i learned what true love is
it stays with me
even after his dying
for never will i be the same
and you have lost control
i know that now
i see it in your eyes
each time we talk
honestly
and i painfully unwrap one more
round of you
it is getting easier
you know
it used to be with tears
too many to be explained
me...sobbing out of control
attempting to free the person inside
your coils
i hurt for you
to be without me
since your needing had no reason
it would be next to
impossible for you to let go
and i hurt for me
to walk away
who was i anyway
who would i be once
you weren't coiled around me anymore
but i must say (present thought here)
this battle of my freedom
has cost a price
that i know not yet
if it was worth
to have lived "not loving" my enemy
for all these years
my soul is endangered
to say the very least
and to look at the man
you have become
is not a thing i want to do
holding on to a woman
who needed you to let go
has made very little self respect
i wish internal fortitude had granted you
enough
to let me go
the first time i asked  
and i wish that it
had granted me enough
to leave even though
yours was lacking
this unholy linking
has done neither of us any good
i know that now (hindsight is fairly accurate they say)
and still i have yet to leave
a little one needs me, this,
a holiday is coming, that,
and what would a family be
without a mama, this,
and that, excuses i know
but leaving soon will be mine
i have unwrapped almost all of you
set the stage for
the final act
and still i hope
when hindsight writes the final reviews
it won't find me lacking
i guess
you know that hindsight thing
that i will have to wait
until it lets me know


[This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 07-01-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 zoe d. - All Rights Reserved
MagnoliaBlue
Member
since 2000-05-12
Posts 367

1 posted 2000-07-01 11:49 PM


Corazon...
This is so damn good!  

Keep unwrapping.

The person you will be when
he isn't coiled around you
anymore is YOURSELF girl !

Keep writing and keep
listening to yourself,
you are doing ok kiddo!  



MagnoliaBlue


~My Skipper Jim
I love you!
Your Lady June~

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

2 posted 2000-07-03 09:18 AM


thanks magnolia, and yes this poem was more for myself than for the reader...guess after 29 years, an unwrapping is due...*sigh*
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
3 posted 2000-07-03 10:16 AM


Corazon~ UNWRAP!!!! You are so much more than you give yourself credit for! You will find all the strength you need when you walk away...... I did.   -SEA

Live,Love,Laugh :) ~SueB



Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
4 posted 2000-07-03 10:27 AM


i have unwrapped almost all of you
set the stage for
the final act
and still i hope
when hindsight writes the final reviews
it won't find me lacking
i guess
you know that hindsight thing
that i will have to wait
until it lets me know
...

very nicely written Corazon, and a stark truth too...
One has to OPEN oneself up in stages, but each time when we look back upon the past times we actually OPEN UP further to our own existence.... geez .shut up Sudhir!!! too many philosophical coffees today, I guess...


Many regards, sudhir

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee,
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

- John Donne

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
5 posted 2000-07-03 11:04 AM


It's good to get these feelings down on paper, Corazon, and know that through strength you cannot fail, but in weakness failure is always the outcome.

Peace, my friend.

Corinne

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
6 posted 2000-07-03 11:16 AM


Powerful writing Corazon! It's amazing how hindsight can seem so clear. Stay positive and strong ... gain power from your words, for in them lies your strength!

Best wishes,
/Kit

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
7 posted 2000-07-03 05:54 PM


I couldn't read this all sweetheart, you know why, I'm sure....I wish for you some peace but I know that only comes from within and with knowing you have not just something to offer but so much to offer...I wish for you...a Monday through Sunday of smiles..

HUSG

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

8 posted 2000-07-03 06:09 PM


SEA, Corrine, Kit, Sudhir thank you so much for your kind words, I am so thankful for having a place to post my heart where it is accepted with such kindness  

rg....yep lady i know...hope you are holding up ok, i know, gosh, why couldn't life have been made just a bit easier? thanks for your support and hugs.....hugs back  

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
9 posted 2000-07-03 06:11 PM


No cute remarks from me on this one, Corazon. It is too powerful and close to the bone. Damn, you're good!!!!!!
Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

10 posted 2000-07-03 06:22 PM


thanks bal *soft smile* you know a compliment such as this from a poet of your stature will make anyone smile  
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