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linda munday
Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 315
Adelaide, Australia

0 posted 2000-06-29 09:49 AM


Love is the key that opens every door


THE PEARL AND THE DIVER
by Linda Munday

Just like an oyster the voice had said, from somewhere deep inside
It was just a whisper voice
and one that had not lied
A lonely oyster on the sand, in a deep and watery grave
Where current tides and stormy sea
merciless remiss to save
The sand it grazed the tight-lipped shell, as it oozed its salty tears
Sea tossed it on the sandy bed
for countless crying years
A crusty shell encased its heart, like sentinal on guard
Protecting the soft flesh inside
with its barricade so hard
A diver found the shell on day, and took it up above
Into strange world for oyster shell
into a world of love
The salty depths were left behind, there came a brilliant light
So shielding self from sudden shock
shell gripped its rim more tight
Prising open carefully, with gentle flicks of blade
Within the heart of softest flesh
the treasure was displayed
A pearlish heart with lustrous glow, had grown throughout the years
Gone sandy bed, and hardened shell
no longer crying salty tears.


© Copyright 2000 Linda Munday - All Rights Reserved
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
1 posted 2000-06-29 11:06 AM


Linda, I really like the idea behind this poem comparing an oyster shutting itself up tightly to protect its treasure to, I assume, the same thing happening to a woman who, having been hurt, has also closed her shell to protect her heart until the right person comes along to open her heart and let her feelings show. Only because you specifically asked me to, will I offer these comments....
   There are places where, in the interest of maintaining rhyme or syllable count (flow) you have inserted construction that is out of place. Ex:

The sand it grazed the tight-lipped shell
Shell gripped its rim more tight

Actually, the more I read it, the more I like it. I'm sure that listening to it being read would be much better than reading it. If it had a smoother meter and accents properly placed, it would have the potential of being a superb piece of work. As it is, it's only "very good"  

Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
2 posted 2000-06-29 11:07 AM


A happy ending, even for oysters!
Metaphorically speaking!
~~nice writing~~

linda munday
Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 315
Adelaide, Australia
3 posted 2000-06-29 06:36 PM


Balladeer, your comments are noted and are now being studied.  As I said before I have only written a few poems and have to work out how to achieve a better result.  Thank you ever so much for your help.
Coming from you a 'very good' is encouraging.
Linda M.  ty sweet man.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
4 posted 2000-07-04 07:22 AM


Very creative writing Linda...and I enjoyed your comment "Love is the key that opens every door."  I am interested in opening a door and I will use the key you mentioned...James
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