Open Poetry #8 |
The Pearl And The Diver |
linda munday Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 315Adelaide, Australia |
Love is the key that opens every door THE PEARL AND THE DIVER by Linda Munday Just like an oyster the voice had said, from somewhere deep inside It was just a whisper voice and one that had not lied A lonely oyster on the sand, in a deep and watery grave Where current tides and stormy sea merciless remiss to save The sand it grazed the tight-lipped shell, as it oozed its salty tears Sea tossed it on the sandy bed for countless crying years A crusty shell encased its heart, like sentinal on guard Protecting the soft flesh inside with its barricade so hard A diver found the shell on day, and took it up above Into strange world for oyster shell into a world of love The salty depths were left behind, there came a brilliant light So shielding self from sudden shock shell gripped its rim more tight Prising open carefully, with gentle flicks of blade Within the heart of softest flesh the treasure was displayed A pearlish heart with lustrous glow, had grown throughout the years Gone sandy bed, and hardened shell no longer crying salty tears. |
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© Copyright 2000 Linda Munday - All Rights Reserved | |||
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Linda, I really like the idea behind this poem comparing an oyster shutting itself up tightly to protect its treasure to, I assume, the same thing happening to a woman who, having been hurt, has also closed her shell to protect her heart until the right person comes along to open her heart and let her feelings show. Only because you specifically asked me to, will I offer these comments.... There are places where, in the interest of maintaining rhyme or syllable count (flow) you have inserted construction that is out of place. Ex: The sand it grazed the tight-lipped shell Shell gripped its rim more tight Actually, the more I read it, the more I like it. I'm sure that listening to it being read would be much better than reading it. If it had a smoother meter and accents properly placed, it would have the potential of being a superb piece of work. As it is, it's only "very good" |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
A happy ending, even for oysters! Metaphorically speaking! ~~nice writing~~ |
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linda munday Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 315Adelaide, Australia |
Balladeer, your comments are noted and are now being studied. As I said before I have only written a few poems and have to work out how to achieve a better result. Thank you ever so much for your help. Coming from you a 'very good' is encouraging. Linda M. ty sweet man. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Very creative writing Linda...and I enjoyed your comment "Love is the key that opens every door." I am interested in opening a door and I will use the key you mentioned...James |
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