new lyrics.. NEED TRUE THOUGHTS!

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Open Poetry #8

new lyrics.. NEED TRUE THOUGHTS!

redwriter1
Member

since 1999-07-22

Posts 480
Franklin, TN

0 posted 2000-06-30 12:17 PM

Thinking of Columbine parents.. thinking of.. wife standing at airport.. and her husband is not getting off the plane.. thinking of.. a child is gone.. a love is gone.. just.. in a moment.! I want this to reveal the.. numbness of loss.

here's what came out....... tell me if I did it right..

You left me standing here
with my heart holding back it's tears
and now i'm standing here
holding on to you

I'm still standing here
minutes turn into empty years
my mind is lost but my heart's
holding on to you

If I could turn back time
10 minutes, moments in my mind
you'd still be here with me
and I'd be holding onnnnnnnn

(bridge)
my senses are useless
my body is numb, no emotion left
everything's frozen in that one moment
in timeeeeeeeeeeeeee

(last verse)

Don't think that I can move
where would I go without you?
I don't know what to do
so I keep standing
here......................

hard to hear all the emotion without the audio.. but if you'ld like to hear it..
email me at [email protected]
cos.. i'm ready to demo this song.. and don't want any weak parts..
thanks for helping me you guys!!

Kay-lynn
**A dream is a wish your heart makes :)

Jamie
Member Elite

since 2000-06-26

Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

1 posted 2000-06-30 01:00 AM

I think it is great.
If there was one thing i would change it is the part where it says "you left me standing here"....since it was not the choice of the departed perhaps "I was left standing here" would be better....(just a suggestion)
and my email is on here.
jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".

Jeffrey Carter

Member Elite

since 2000-04-08

Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!

2 posted 2000-06-30 01:10 AM

I'm gonna have to disagree with Prometheus on this one

I have heard this song as you know Kay-Lynn and I don't think I would change anything in it (personal opinion of course)

I think it is a great song, anyone who reads this and hasn't heard the song should email Kay-Lynn and have her send it to you

I promise you won't be disappointed

All my love,
Jeffrey

redwriter1
Member

since 1999-07-22

Posts 480
Franklin, TN

3 posted 2000-06-30 07:37 AM

Thank you Jeffrey.!.. I'm so glad you like it..
anyone else have comments?

Kay-lynn
**A dream is a wish your heart makes :)

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