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Bunny
Junior Member

since 2000-05-13

Posts 30

0 posted 2000-06-17 10:01 PM

This poem was written by my very good friend who was not able to post this herself, so I am doing it for her......we both hope you enjoy it....

I watch the cabinet door swing
Back and forth on it's brass hinges

I look down and see the bottle rolling back and forth on the white tile floor

I look in the mirror and see
The devil that feeds my soul

Planning it's every attempt to
Ruin everything I have planned

I lie down to meet my death and slip into
A world of forgetfullness

I dream of a world where he holds my hand
And says it's ok, things will be better tomorrow

I sit next to him and it diappears
My dream is crushed and crumbled to small fragments of life

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

1 posted 2000-06-18 06:04 PM

this is a good poem but i don't have any of her/his other work to compare it to. keep this work up.

I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul

StarPryncess17
Senior Member

since 2000-05-31

Posts 932
Colorado

2 posted 2000-06-19 08:00 PM

well, this poem has kind of left me confused and I am hesitant to say what I feel, but I hope it will only help you in your writing...not offend you.

It's nicely written, yes, but there's no definate meaning to it's content. which can be a good or bad thing depending on how it's pieced together. Your friends words are put together nicely and I enjoyed this poem, but it could stand a little work. Sorry if you are offended. Just a little constructive criticism.

I do hope to see more work from the both of you though! Love Always~*~Jessica~*~

"Love is the product of our discontentment with ourselves."
"Bleeding hearts release tears of fire"
"work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt,and live everyday as if it's your last"
"Shoot for the moon, if you shall fall short, you always have the stars to fall upon"

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

3 posted 2007-11-17 02:00 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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