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When the sky turns green. (100th post)
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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When the sky turns green. (100th post) |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
I wrote this simple little piece after seeing my first funnel cloud. It scared me to death, so bad that I can't sleep during a storm for fear of not being able to wake up and find shelter. Well, I hope that you like it. The storm descends accross the prairie. The trees are as warriors with the backdrop of the comeing battle marching its way towards me. Broken light illuminates the sky. I see a vision in the cloud but it is taken away, vanishing into the souls of the angry ones With only a false pretence of peace around me, I stand my ground. For the storm brings not peace. All is silent but for the wind pushing through the meadow towards me. A low rumble quakes from the battling over the heavens. Chaos falls from the sky. Pelting its way to the black earth. The sky is green with envy of the life springing up below it. The time has come to unleash hell. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jason Allen Carmen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kittie Member
since 2000-07-08
Posts 103 |
This is really well written and the ending is... just wonderful, I really like the poem a lot. Keep up the great work Kittie |
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Lovely_Kris Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 176 |
I think this is a wounderful poem. I know storms can be scary. I hope to read more and keep up the great work. Lovely_Kris |
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BabyGirl1 Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 91Morris, IL |
Wow! This is a wonderful poem Jay. I never knew you had so much talent in you. My boys are so talented  You really did capture the essence of the storm. I am absolutly terrified of storms, so I really didn't like the whole idea of the poem, but after reading it I loved it. But, I'm still scared of storms."We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can fly only by embracing each other." -Luciano de Crescenzo- |
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The_Driven Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 60 |
i think it's interesting how you explain why it storms. I enjoyed reading the poem, and the last two lines are nice. good job! |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is a wonderful choice for your 100th post. Congrats! I'm lucky enough to live in the mountains, where funnel-clouds are rare. I hope you feel you can sleep safely soon! "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
This is a really cool poem! I've never seen a tornado, and I've always wanted to. But maybe I should just watch a documentory. Good writing! *~Meredith~* It's so obvious That the promise Keeps me here Painting pictures where All the colors Disappear *Lit |
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Jeremy Halstead Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569Morris, Ill. U.S.A |
MAN!!!!! Your are the $H!+!!!!! I've read this one before and I loved it just as much this time....Can I be your fan!? Jeremy "Time is the matter, and in a matter of that all wounds will heal and all scars shall fade." |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Congratulations on your 100th post Jacman! Excellent writing here ... such imagery! I felt like I was in the midst of the storm myself. Really well done! Best wishes, /Kit |
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CLBinLOVE Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147Hilton Head, SC, USA |
oh oh oh gooooooood ending i love it really evile!(i meant to spell it that way) and felies coupleanos (or something to that effect, its supposed to mean happy birthday in spanish but i spelled it really wrong) CLB always follow your heart, never follow others unless it is truely where you want to go, and never give up a dream, maybe just set it aside for a while... :) |
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TearsOfPearls Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322Vereeniging, South-Africa |
This is an excellent poem, I know nothing about tornado's ot what-ya-may-call-it-clouds, but i know this is a good poem. Wonderful way you described the storm, and congrats on your 100th post. Keep up the good writing. Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets transferred from the wind to the water. What started off as a breeze 1 000km away, ends up as a glass-faced barrel at some far off beach. |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
This evokes the very feeling I feel when I see a huge storm....very well written, keep it up! *Krista Knutson* "We are not seperate from spirit, we are in it." ~Plotinus~ |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
ok so lately I've been busy as hell!! sorry kid! I know I have a lot of reading to do and I promise I'll get to it ASAP!!  anyways, loved this poem! absolutely wonderful!!! Keep up the wonderful work! Hey kid I miss talking to ya, call me one of these days if ya can!! oh and as for ~CLB~it is "feliz cumpleanos" sorry, I just know spanish (sort of anyways) so I thought I would help out a little. anways, I miss ya Jason!! Talk to ya soon! Love Always~*~your pryncess jess~*~~*~My fire is dead,it knew no pain; yet it is dead and I remain: All stiff with ice ashes lie;and they are dead, and I will die~*~ |
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Linzi Junior Member
since 2000-07-08
Posts 35Pennsylvania, USA |
Wow, that's a really great poem! You almost get lost in the storm as you're reading it, it was like i was right there in the middle of it all. Great poem! ~*~Linzi~*~ "Ignore reality; there's nothing you can do about it" ~ Natalie Imbruglia |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Great job. I'm new to this forum so this is the first piece I read from you and I was impressed. Very well wriiten and you pulled me in right at the begining w/ the metaphor: The trees are as warriors with the backdrop of the comeing battle Look forward to read more of your poems, IsGona |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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