»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #3
»
Sandcastles
| Teen Poetry #3 |
|
Sandcastles |
|
|
Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
So we're friends, At one point we coexisted in a childhood that would never end. We were like two sandcastles, Side by side standing proud. We worked on math projects together, And stressed over freshman physics, You were the one I called when the sea of life was ready to pull me down, And together we built a fortress with a moat to keep us safe. For years we hung out, Never really questioning what our friendship was about. You kissed me last summer, And it was beautiful but fragile, and I could feel the waves reaching my door. My boyfriend came back, And how the wind howled through our windows. I returned to my boyfriend because it was safe, See we forgot to build our walls tall enough to avoid the high tides. Eventually my boyfriend and I broke up and I tried to date you, But you wanted no part of it, Apparently we were too beautiful as two separate castles, And one gigantic mansion would ruin the effect. So I stayed as my own castle, Fighting the rain and bitter snow, How much I loved you, You shall not know. I finally got used to the idea of standing on my own, We stayed friends, protecting one another, The walls sheltered us, And you placed a dragon in the moat. So here I lay in your bed now, One gigantic mansion physically, Separate castles emotionally. I don't love you and you don't love me, So other than physically our relationship can not be. So yes we're sleeping together, And each of us resides in our separate castles, But I'm so afraid of the monsoon that's soon to occur, When it's time for college, will we crumble and be nothing more than a few inconsequential grains of sand? Maybe God has us meet a few wrong people so that when we meet the right one we can truly appreciate the gift. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Crystal - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Phoebee Junior Member
since 2000-07-09
Posts 42Peoria, AZ |
I feel for you. Life is so odd, yet so beautiful. Enjoy what you have. |
||
|
Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
extremely well done. great metaphors and great allusions. they held the theme of the title together very well. sometimes the rhythm changes a little, but all in all, it was excellent. the last line was the clincher. i like it a lot. We all got our demons. We all got somethin' to atone for. |
||
|
Jeremy Halstead Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569Morris, Ill. U.S.A |
Hey...I've been there. This poem was wonderful. You timed the analogies to sandcastles perfectly and the story progressed perfectly. great job. write me. Jeremy "Time is the matter, and in a matter of that all wounds will heal and all scars shall fade." |
||
|
Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
Hey all thanks for replying -- I was trying to get hte poem to rhyme but to get it to rhyme then I had to give up alot of the metaphors. *sigh* Thanks for the compliments -- Jeremy I'll write. Love, Crystal Maybe God has us meet a few wrong people so that when we meet the right one we can truly appreciate the gift. |
||
|
Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
wow crystal this is a good poem...i really like it...you did such a good job on it...doesnt it suck though when your best friend kisses you...to me it was like heres this guy that knows my whole life and i am letting him kiss me...it was awkward but i think that we both wanted to do it...just to see what it was like...but can i ask is this true???? ~IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY~SET IT FREE~IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU~ITS YOURS FOREVER~IF IT DOESNT IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH~ |
||
|
Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
Erin -- Every poem I write has some element of truth to it. I you truthfully want to know (and I have no problem telling you, just not here in the forums) E-mail me at [email protected] and we'll discuss. But yeah . . . I hope maybe this will answer at least partially your question. Love, Crystal When a door closes, another door of oppurtunity opens. The only problem is that most of us are so busy looking at the closed door that we fail to see |
||
|
LoveAll Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 148B'dale, USA |
Beautiful poem...I also love the metaphors! That poem painted a picture in my mind...truely a great poem!  "Of all those arts in which the wise excel, Nature's chief masterpiece is writing well." ~Essay on Poetry, John Sheffield "Those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint." ~Isaiah 40:3 |
||
|
TAP2 Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 211Morris, Il USA |
Been in your shoes myself. It's not easy when you're teetering on the border, putting everything you had had in jeopardy. Beautiful depiction, metaphorically stimulating to the mind. Great job. Thomas A. Plemmons |
||
|
Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
To all -- Thank you for the compliments. Truthfully, I'm having a heck of a time dealing with the current situation, but that's a whole other poem. Thanks all for reading it. Love, Crystal When a door closes, another door of oppurtunity opens. The only problem is that most of us are so busy looking at the closed door that we fail to see |
||
|
Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
Thee poem was great. I've been there too. I had that kind of relationship with a girl, who then graduted, and joined the Navy. She went to Italy, and I've lost contact since then. |
||
|
Kittie Member
since 2000-07-08
Posts 103 |
This was a great poem, I really liked it a lot, and even though in one way I cannot I can't relate, there are other ways I can with the feeling of a falling relationship. Keep up the great work, and keep your head up. Kittie |
||
|
Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
Thanks for reading it, though I don't think it's so much a fear of us not staying together that I have, because I know we won't. I think it's more the fear of losing touch, of his freindship. I mean, I know that we won't date when we leave for college because we'll be 8 hours away from each other and I refuse to do a long distance relationship like that. But I am afraid of not having him to talk to, to protect me so to speak. I suppose it will all work out in the end because I am transferring to that college in two years anyway to finish my engineering degree. *sigh* Love, Crystal When a door closes, another door of oppurtunity opens. The only problem is that most of us are so busy looking at the closed door that we fail to see |
||
|
Snickers Member
since 2000-05-25
Posts 88East Haddam, CT |
Crystal~ Beautiful poem!! The metaphors fit perfectly and I liked how you used them. Then the last stanza hit hard, which is a great effect. Wonderful job!! It does sound like a tough situation and I wish u the best of luck in dealing with it. I've been told that I give good advice, so if you want to talk anytime just e-mail me at [email protected] Best wishes. ~<3 Alwayz~ **Nikki** ~*~*~*~*"We can complain because roses have thorns, or we can rejoice because thorns have roses." *~*~*~*~ |
||
|
Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
