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Teen Poetry #3
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Nikkisweet
Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 183
Tx, Dallas

0 posted 2000-06-13 08:20 PM



We've been through hell and back
I fear its your heart I lack
We went through hard times
I think that was what was on our minds

If we forget the past
We might be able to make this last
Its up to you
Cause this is what I wanna do

Think about it a while
Come on, let me see a smile
We don't have to rush
Lets take it slow if we must

Well, let me know
I guess I'll go ahead and go
Give me a call
Just know you're my all in all

© Copyright 2000 Nikkisweet - All Rights Reserved
Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A
1 posted 2000-06-14 03:10 AM


Simple, I'd have to say...but some poetry is just meant to be like that.  I think you should excersise more emotion and decsriptive qualities in your lines.  I know you have the potential to do it.  I can tell by your rhythm and rhyming abilities.  Overall, well, I'm gonna keep readin um if you keep writing um.

Jeremy Halstead

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
2 posted 2000-12-29 11:34 AM


i know this reply is really late but here it goes    I do agree with Jeremy that it's simple, and I do think that not all poems are derived from an extensive vocabulary.  Simple poems are great too....It's a matter of expression.  The only thing I don't agree with Jeremy is with the emotion part.  Each person puts a lot of emotion and feelings to their poems. I like the simplicity of your poem, and that's what makes it great.  

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


HiddenSparklez
Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190
British Columbia, Canada
3 posted 2000-12-29 02:08 PM


It seems like you weren't trying to make it more than what it is... it gets right to the point, which good poetry is about... i like the fact that it's simple but yet it still sends a strong message
Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
4 posted 2000-12-29 03:17 PM



  This was a great read. It's nice to get away from all the symbolism once in a while and see words for what they are supposed to mean. Good job.

  ~Carly

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
5 posted 2000-12-29 04:49 PM


I like it, nice job

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2000-12-29 06:11 PM


This was sweet......hope it all works out for u!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


branden726
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607
Bay City, MI
7 posted 2000-12-30 10:11 PM


Great....i liked it alot thats why im boosting it up to page 1!! great writting

"i just love when you bring your whole crew because its just a bigger piece of cake for me to chew threw"



Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
8 posted 2000-12-31 09:05 AM


This is very simple, that is true. But only on the paper is it simple. I have a funny feeling the expressions and feelings behind it are quite complex. I hope the sitch worked out, and I know what you're saying in this one, definitly!
xoxo
Jenn


"A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ??


secretlife
Member
since 2002-07-30
Posts 359
Grean Earth ,,,
9 posted 2002-07-30 06:15 AM


hiy dear,
I will not say simple like the others said,,,but all I wana say is keep going u can improve ur self ,,,,(easy come,,easy go)
and I like it any way,,,all u have to care about is that u feel fine and proud from what u r writing right,,,
just goodluck..


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