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| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Nikkisweet Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 183Tx, Dallas |
We've been through hell and back I fear its your heart I lack We went through hard times I think that was what was on our minds If we forget the past We might be able to make this last Its up to you Cause this is what I wanna do Think about it a while Come on, let me see a smile We don't have to rush Lets take it slow if we must Well, let me know I guess I'll go ahead and go Give me a call Just know you're my all in all |
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| © Copyright 2000 Nikkisweet - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jeremy Halstead Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569Morris, Ill. U.S.A |
Simple, I'd have to say...but some poetry is just meant to be like that. I think you should excersise more emotion and decsriptive qualities in your lines. I know you have the potential to do it. I can tell by your rhythm and rhyming abilities. Overall, well, I'm gonna keep readin um if you keep writing um. Jeremy Halstead |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
i know this reply is really late but here it goes  I do agree with Jeremy that it's simple, and I do think that not all poems are derived from an extensive vocabulary. Simple poems are great too....It's a matter of expression. The only thing I don't agree with Jeremy is with the emotion part. Each person puts a lot of emotion and feelings to their poems. I like the simplicity of your poem, and that's what makes it great. I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
It seems like you weren't trying to make it more than what it is... it gets right to the point, which good poetry is about... i like the fact that it's simple but yet it still sends a strong message |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
This was a great read. It's nice to get away from all the symbolism once in a while and see words for what they are supposed to mean. Good job. ~Carly |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I like it, nice job  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was sweet......hope it all works out for u!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Great....i liked it alot thats why im boosting it up to page 1!! great writting "i just love when you bring your whole crew because its just a bigger piece of cake for me to chew threw" |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This is very simple, that is true. But only on the paper is it simple. I have a funny feeling the expressions and feelings behind it are quite complex. I hope the sitch worked out, and I know what you're saying in this one, definitly! xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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secretlife Member
since 2002-07-30
Posts 359Grean Earth ,,, |
hiy dear, I will not say simple like the others said,,,but all I wana say is keep going u can improve ur self ,,,,(easy come,,easy go) and I like it any way,,,all u have to care about is that u feel fine and proud from what u r writing right,,, just goodluck.. |
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