»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #3
»
All around me
| Teen Poetry #3 |
|
All around me |
|
|
Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
First off, I would like to preface htis by saying that I am NOT a depressed person -- this is just off the top of my head!! I sit in my room surrounded by others, Only you can't see them, I am the only one hogging my covers. To my right sits insecurity, I think of everything I've ever done, all my impurity. Lying to my friends, Trying my hardest to make ammends. Dieting until I could barely stand, Thinking thinness is the key to getting a man. To my left lays hopelessness. See my future creates nothing but stress. Working two jobs to pay for school, Friedns at parties, mysdelf so uncool. In front of me sitting indian style is apathy, Causing me to almost give ujp completely. Trying so hard to get the guy of my dreams, Never successful or so it seems. Behind me sits despair, The guy of my dreams has no feelings for me, it seems there's a sign on me that says buyer beware. Sighing to myself, I can't wait to get out of this house. Around me soars patience, That someday it will all work out. In the end it will all be worth it, That's what life is all about. -- Crystal Ryan Maybe God has us meet a few wrong people so that when we meet the right one we can truly appreciate the gift. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Crystal - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
We all feel like this sometimes. I can relate to this very well... I especally love the hopeful ending. I hope everything works out for you. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
||
|
LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
This is really good. You represented each specific emotion so well. I'm impressed with your ability. *~Meredith~* I am none but the angel Who sings you to sleep As you pray to God Your soul to keep *Me |
||
|
Jeremy Halstead Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569Morris, Ill. U.S.A |
Hey Crystal, Nice to read from ya again. I know your not depressed, but is this how you feel about a fellow. You should write me because I said so. Jeremy "Time is the matter, and in a matter of that all wounds will heal and all scars shall fade." |
||
|
AndrewDL Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 24California |
This was a great poem. I loved your use of personifacations to expand on how the speaker is being engulfed by all these emotions. And in stating that patience soars around the speaker, you create a movement upward towards the heavens- a faith in God. Great work, lots of depth. -Andrew Trust too much, and you may be deceived, but trust too little and you will live in torment forever. |
||
|
Wren Member
since 2000-07-05
Posts 312 |
I love the vay you personified the emotions. This is very good and very true to life. |
||
|
Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
I loved this...sometimes it feels like no matter which way you turn there's always something terrible there. I can relate really well  . I liked the ending a lot too, I always love an ending that shows the promise of tomorrow. Can't wait to read more.~Susie "Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?" ~Cinderella |
||
|
BabyGirl1 Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 91Morris, IL |
THis is a wonderful Poem. I really enjoyed how you created a vivid image in the readers head. You really can picture yourself sitting on a bed, with all of the so called "others" around you. |
||
|
Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Very good poem. I can relate...a lot. Good job! Keep up the writing Bel |
||
|
cutie2005 Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 148Bennett, Colorado USA |
This was really good.. Glad to read it... Good job.. Amanda |
||
|
Crystalina123 Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228 |
Lovebug - Yes we all fell hopeless and dejected at some point but the only choice any of us really have is to pick ourselves back up and give life our all . . . Meredith - Thanks for the compliment it means a lot because it took me the better part of a week to write this poem. It still doesn't say what I want it to say though. Jeremy - This is exactly the way I feel about life sometimes but specifically yes this is how I feel about a guy. One of my best friends in fact . .. . I'll write and we'll discuss. Andrew - Thanks for taking the time to read the poem . . . yes in some respects of this poem God would be the key and he and I have talked about some of the things written in this poem. It seems that he's saying "Not right now, maybe later" . . . hence this is where patience comes in. P.S. I love your signature - how true. Wren - Thanks for the compliment, yeah this poem represents anyones life at some point or another. Susie - While sometimes it feels as if there is always something terrible no matter where you turn, I try to hold onto the idea that there is hope. My friend Noah always says, "Things will always work out for the best - this being the best of all possible worlds, that is." P.S. I love your signature - how though provoking. Babygirl - Thanks for the compliment, I've really been trying to work on imagery so it makes me feel good that you noticed!! Isabel - Thanks . . .. Amanda - Thanks for the compliment. Maybe God has us meet a few wrong people so that when we meet the right one we can truly appreciate the gift. |
||
|
TAP2 Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 211Morris, Il USA |
Beautiful depiction in word and execution. The picture you painted leaves the reader with a burned image on his or her thoughts. Keep it up. TAP2 |
||
|
Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
I really love how you put this all together. the way you gave each emotion a personality of its own was very brilliant. And I do hope you find that perfect man, because you deserve it. Whatever you do, don't give up. |
||
|
Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
