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Teen Poetry #3
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Basement
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Basement |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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In the basement, there we stay breathing, lifeless, as we lay hoping not to fade away peaceful in the basement In the basement, there we're born we, as children, are forlorn crying as the cord is torn sadly, in the basement In the basement, playing games learning faces, learning names making problems, placing blames happy in the basement In the basement, looking out killing all our inner doubt finding things to dream about trapped within the basement In the basement, growing old our hopes and dreams begin to fold doing everything we're told robots in the basement In the basement, here we die people gather just to cry swiftly, life has passed us by rotting in the basement (posting like crazy, I am! I'm gonna run out of material if I am not careful!) |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
Nice work... I don't understand it though, perhaps you could explain??  |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Are you talking about how our lives evolve in one place? The place where we are born, being the place we grow up, learn and then basically die?? I am not sure... maybe... I don't quite understand this one, though I like it very much... Melz!! Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
As far as flow and style go. This is my fav so far. One of the best I've read in a long time. And the poem it's self is wonderful to. The meaning I got out of it at least is (yfell free to correct) is the basement represtents our life.. as Mester said. And a basement is usualy considered concret, hard, cold, and most importantly very enclosed. Like are lives are restricted by barriers or something. I would love for you to tell us in more detail what these words mean, cause my brain is failing me to come up with details. Great poem, JAson< !signature--> ******* Added next day: Ok... I read this again. This time not half asleep. This is about how life just flys by and by the time we realize it, it is to late. We just spend our life in the basement waiting, not doing, not chasing our dreams. Well that's how I see it any how. I look forward to your explination. ps forlorm is a great word. I need to start getting a vocab like some of you guys. "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 01-07-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was a wonderful poem. I interpreted it in my own little way, but it's a secret! so HA! Anyway good one Allan....a great read like always.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I felt pretty much the same way as Melz and Jason on this one. I love the way you wrote it, nice job  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
cant say much more than what everyone else said... but im beginning to realy like your work, keep it up! best wishes ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Jason got it nearly right on... but what I meant is that we look out, and then realize how unrealistic we are. So we spend our lives not chasing our dreams because we have given up on them. Thanks for the feedback. |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
this is a truly wonderful piece and i must agree with jason that this is a great format but good thing for that explaination or i would have been LOST!! lol i hope to see more soon!! keep it up!~*Pixie*~ |
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