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| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Terrain |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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Look above your head, my child and tell me what you see look into the clouds and dream of what you'd like to be Now look back at the ground, my child and tell me what is there Do you see the same, or not? And would you deem this fair? Look into the lake, my child and look into your eyes do you see a spark of life? and do you feel surprised? Look to the horizon, now the taunting beams of light the forms that dance as they take shape do you still wish to fight? Look over your shoulder, child at what you used to be Now look at what you desire most and do not look to me (my contribution for today. i wrote it awhile ago, in the middle of history class. just thought i would share. ^_^) |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I liked the flow of this and the poem was really good. The beginning really captured my attention, I was looking forward to reading on. This is what I got from the poem: This person is making the child look at their life and see that they have to start improving things on their own. Am I anywhere close to what this is supposed to mean?  I liked this part a lot:"Now look back at the ground, my child and tell me what is there Do you see the same, or not? And would you deem this fair?" < !signature--> "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com [This message has been edited by Lakewalker (edited 01-05-2001).] |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Wow... REALLY WOW... This was great . I love your poems thus far... keep posting. This one was great. I like how your poems really come together in the end. What I got out of this poem is that you must make your own dreams come true. You can't count on luck or others to help you along. I was wondering though, I noticed in your poems that the you refer to charecters as child. Does this have some type of meaning to you or is just your style. Great job, Jason< !signature--> "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 01-05-2001).] |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Lake, you hit the nail on the head, my friend. It's nice to see that I can communicate this effectively. Thanks for your praise, Jason. Yes, i like the word "child." I over-use it though... probably because I typically write about my own childhood. I'm sure that we all have a favourite word, though! An interesting fact-- nothing bothers me more than when somebody calls me "kid" or "child!" Maybe this is why I use the word so frequently? Dunno... i'm on a rant, best stop now! Thanks you two! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Excellent Allen! Great thoughts here and a wonderful flow ... you're a very talented young poet! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Author Unknown Member
since 2001-01-05
Posts 57Linn MO USA |
excellent poem brah, love how its written, awesome technique ;o) *dont let life bring you down, dig thru the ditches and deck it in the face and reclaim your place*----Kyle Finn....2001 |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
BRAVO!! Vreni |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
There goes Vreni tryin to talk in Spanish, what's the world coming to?! Anyway Allan, very good work. I am going to have to say that your talent is well received here. It's nice to read a great poem. This poem shows, face up, the meaning of it all. Not deep, but great nonetheless. If you have anything with symbolism and with a in depth meaning that i'd have to delve within for hours on end, i'd like to read one of those. Hope to see more from you Allan.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
you really know how to express yourself clearly, im really enjpying your poetry! keep writing, please! ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
sorry to disappoint, DD. I do try to write in-depth, but sometimes I am a little obvious about it. I write a few in-depth haikus... i love the restrictive style of a haiku. I might show you sometime. |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Look over your shoulder, child at what you used to be Now look at what you desire most and do not look to me I love this part of this... I can see in this that you are trying to tell that you have to make your own way through life and you can't look at others to help you!! This is a great peice, I love it!! Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Allan, great job. I think i poem shows a little about someone. and u seem to be a great person, not only from your poems I see but from your personality i have seen, so far. lol.....im gonna stop.it had a little deppth but not overly done. ya. well see u later. Regina |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
one word "Publish" yes i think this poem needs to be published you deserve a standing ovation on this one you even excited Vreni --- that's a first i've seen her react that way in passions it too say "BRAVO!!!" I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
i think this is one of the best in passions right now, so im bumping it back up so you dont miss it BUMP I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
WONDERFUL!!! i agree with acire... this is a truly beautiful poem, greta work!! ~*Pixie*~ |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
wow wow wow ...i need to get to know you lol Just kiddin, didnt mean to scare you ..woo ok now that ive made an idiot of myself lol neways...great poem, cant wait 2 read more*dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I feel so amazing... but this poem is hardly my favourite of all of mine. I wonder why it caught Acire's eye above the others? Oh, well, who am I to argue? Publish? I better get paid this time. lol ^_^ Thanks for the praise. Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy. |
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X_me_X Junior Member
since 2000-08-18
Posts 37 |
yah i think that |
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