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Teen Poetry #3
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Nothing and Everything
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Nothing and Everything |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding 
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It has been a nothing day With nothing people going on their way There's no point to right now So I think I'll just take a bow My lungs hurt, my knees hurt Amy's neighbor's name is Burt I hate days like this when I'm just 'here' And you get it in your head to leer I just want to go space out But supper's soon, so I cannot pout Nothing helps not even the guitar When I'm like this, it doesn't matter where you are You were talking about dying today The fact that I brought it up I won't say It has been an everything day With everything going wrong in it's everything way When I saw you this morning I knew I was blessed To have a guy like you to give my mind a rest You stick with me when I'm down and out You were there during that depression bout I don't really mind it when you leer Just let me know so I don't get a fear That you want me this I know That you love me helps my woes It has been a nothing day It's also been an everything day With nothing people going on their way With everything going wrong in it's everything way I wish I knew What I did To get myself a guy like you |
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| © Copyright 2001 Rhonda Adolph - All Rights Reserved | |||
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pharon Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251alabama |
i'm not too good at the whole 'response' thing...but i just wanted to say good job! pharon |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
This was very neat. I like how you wrote it. "With everything going worng in it's everything way" Looking forward to read more from you. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was great......nice one here  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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DreamerGrl27 Member
since 2000-10-29
Posts 142 |
This one was really creative...I liked it. I loved this part: "It has been a nothing day It's also been an everything day" |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
i liked the two differeny prespectibes great job and i hope to hear more! best wishes ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
"Amy's neighbor's name is Burt" lol didn't mean to laugh there because I know it's not supposed to be funny, but the first time I read it I had to start over because I couldn't get that line out of my head. I think that line actually reflects the type of mood you were in when you wrote this. Nice job as usual. Much enjoyed Jason< !signature--> "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 01-03-2001).] |
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mikeykrazy Junior Member
since 2000-12-20
Posts 37U.S.A |
grate poem. i like how it starts out knida in a depressing way... but in the end it turns aound It has been a nothing day It's also been an everything day With nothing people going on their way With everything going wrong in it's everything way I wish I knew What I did To get myself a guy like you that last bit was grate i loved it keep on going with this stuff. thing happen in life that just need a poem. then ther poems just for the heack of it. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Thanx for the comments, people  I was just in a sort of... I don't know...I was just sort of existing when I wrote this. ~~~Jason- I couldn't find a word to rhyme with 'hurt', and I thought I was getting kind of depressing, so I stuck that thing about Burt in there  Thanx again! ~*Rhonda "I am Canadian" - Joe If you set limitations upon yourself, it's no wonder you fall short of your dreams - Rhonda J. Adolph |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This was really interesting... I totally understand when you feel like you're just existing. Sometimes life is like that. Nice Job... xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I like the way this is written, it's creatively done "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
Great poem! I could tell you couldn't find a word to rhyme with hurt. Rhyming isn't what poetry is all about, you can have lines that don't rhyme and have it be just as powerful. Maybe just keep that in mind next time? But overall I loved the end! =) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
The poem was well written with a good theme. I enjoyed it. HiddenSparklez, I believe that rhyming adds a challenge to writing (as well as making it look much prettier). It is easy to say something, but one reason to rhyme is so that you prevent yourself from going on and on with a sentence... Rhyming also allows you to slow down and become analytical, relieving your tension if that is how you feel when writing. Well, that's all for my small rant! Just thought I would mention this. Great poem! |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
this is soooo cute!!! i love it *L* keep it up!! ~*Justine*~ |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Great poem... I love the ending... it was a shock to the rest of the poem!! Melz!! Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
oh i love your poems!! They are always awesome. I wish I could write like you. Wheeeww lol great job, keep it up! *dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
simply amazing...So, how's Burt  lol.I love hte way you wrote the poem. It had my full attention. One thing though, the reason why you have someone that makes you happy is because everyone deserves to be thanks for sharing I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
Hahaha this was cool good job! |
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