»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #3
»
Fine With Me
| Teen Poetry #3 |
|
Fine With Me |
|
|
peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
This really sucks. Sorry to put you through the agony of reading it. Vreni Fine With Me Slip and fall, fine with me, Laugh it up, mistakes are free. Minded games and wild girls, Dead emotion tilt-a whirl. Push me under, fine with me, Blinding me you’ll help to see. No-name deaths and crowded lives, Excuses far too late contrived. Sit right there, fine with me, It’s only in your head you flee. Rusted blade’s frenzied slash, Vomit now, cough up trash. Crawl on past, fine with me, With imagined bourgeoisie. Rabid lashes count their kills, Desire’s coward swallows pills. Lay me down, it’s fine with me, Frozen lips crave calamity. Drowsy sheep about do flock, Electric scars fail to shock |
||
| © Copyright 2001 peanogrl83 - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
nice one vreni. This is kinda the same style as Loser. I liked this one a lot vreni.....Good one......keep posting your poems or i'll personally come down there and spank you.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
||
|
pharon Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251alabama |
yeah...your right...this does suck...i can't believe how much it does....NOT!!! this is a great piece!! i like the tone!! good work, keep it up. pharon |
||
|
Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
Awesome Poem. |
||
|
DreamerGrl27 Member
since 2000-10-29
Posts 142 |
I liked this one, it was really good. Keep posting! I cant wait to read more. |
||
|
jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
didnt understand it... but there were some great features to it the rhyme was great and the words were descriptive best wishes ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
||
|
Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I'm with jeremy on this one, I didn't understand all of it, but I like the style. Can you explain what the poem really means to us? "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
||
|
Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
ALthough I don't get the meaning of this, I like it! It's very interesting and creative and it drew me right in!  Good work |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
The meaning is somewhat mysterious about this, as everyone has mentioned, but that is what i find so compelling about it. The style is very attractive as well. Nicely written. |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I wonder who the subject is on this one. Seems like this person has put you thru a lot of things. I'm not sure I'm getting this right, so i need to ask you one thing. The third and fourth lines of each stanza...does that still pertain to the person in question or yourself? you know how to get a hold of me, and i'd love for you to explain that to me.  thanksI see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
||
|
peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
This is long ,I'm warning you...but you inquired as to what it meant, so here it is. :.) Okay, well…I will do my best to explain myself. Sometimes it is difficult for me to clarify exactly what I meant… I tend to shut myself down and write from the subconscious ..that sounds odd, I know, but there’s no other way to really describe it. (Hmmm, maybe if I “woke up” when I wrote, my poetry would actually be of some quality… lol) Okay. Recall that this poem was written in about 4 minutes….I put more thought into what I meant after I’m finished and read it…as one must do when they write from their subconscious. (basically, I’m in a daze and I have no clue what I’m writing, so when I finish a poem and snap out of it, I have to make up what I meant… lol) 1st Stanza: Basically, this individual’s fall from grace should have no affect on me, but the 2nd line is a rather bitter indication that it does. (A sarcastic jab at the fact that they feel their mistakes have no cost (are “free”) or consequences and are laughable matters) The 3rd lines is the offending party’s mistakes – psychological mind games played to tame “wild girls” (my version of the independent female). The 4th entails the consequences of the mistakes – emotional shut down paired with absolute rage that periodically spin in alternate directions …not unlike that amusement park ride called the “tilt-a-whirl” 2nd Stanza: Basically, I don’t care if this person hurts me, b/c by temporarily “blinding me” with pain… the individual is being forced to see that in the end, their actions will not have a long term affect on the world’s course ( no-namer meaning he dies w/out anyone really caring…and crowded lives – in my mind, this is w/ no one knowing or caring who he is ), much less my ability to continue w/ my life. Their backpedaling excuses for his behavior are too late – they already “see” what I said above…. 3rd stanza: I don’t care if they physically sits there and do nothing about their mistakes or my pain, b/c the real battle, real movement is going on in their head. (psychological mind games, self initiated guilt) They’re running from themselves….. don’t need to move to do so. The rusted blade is guilt…..and the frenzied slash is the self-inflicted nature of this “stab” of guilt …not unlike the ritualistic suicide that Japanese samurai took part in…(oh bother, there’s a name for it, but it’s escaping me…) And as the affect of this, instead of vomiting up blood, one “vomits/coughs” up a plethora of other self –loathing emotions – “trash” 4th stanza: The individual can try to “sneak by me” by blaming what they’ve done on not knowing better (they’re upbringing…being middle class.. “normalcy” …odd connection, hard to explain, but they are connected in my head.. don’t get offended at the connection…but you know, the average, middle class joe schmoe…oy vey, n/m.. lol) The “rabid lashes count their kills” - the rabid lashes is a kind of odd description of eyes rapidly opening and closing – the person keeps blinking and sees how many “kills” he has attained – how many times he’s hurt someone….but in the next line, I’m kind of adding in the sidenote that this person does love who they’re hurting, does desire them, but is too scared to accept it…..instead, “takes pills” - dulls the pain before it is to occur..in this case, by not even trying. 5th stanza : Lay me down …is …. leave me “sleeping” (unaware of this whole situation) ..and I won’t mind…. that though my frozen (ignored) emotions crave a change in the whole situation ..as in more attention, this will bring instant calamity b/c it brings the individual back into my life…there are so many others around me (drowsy sheep) that are allowed to be completely oblivious to their pain by their inability to feel (electric scars fail to shock) ..and basically, I wish the individual would let me be one of these “sheep” …. That's it...sorry it was so long. Vreni [This message has been edited by peanogrl83 (edited 01-05-2001).] |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
