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Teen Poetry #3
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Freedom (Replies Needed)
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Freedom (Replies Needed) |
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Jeremy Halstead Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569Morris, Ill. U.S.A 
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I really need some honest replies for this. This is another that I just wrote and I'm really not sure how clear it is. I have no clue if anyone else can understand what I mean...if not, then I've failed and mus try again. Also, I've added little rythm or rhyme to this which is unusual for me. Freedom As Freedom glances towards me, the distance between us closes slightly. As she begins to stare at my heart, I can see it drifting away. Those miles parting us begin to receed from the hazy infinity they once were. Endless not, but short- I can venture them now. The steps to this freedom always feared are being offered for my taking. Through the laughter and the smoke, a sudden and simple action is made. Freedom stands up; beautiful and kind. I see behind the eyes- straight into her mind. The gift she gives is silent- and now thus shall be mine. The gift she gives is help- to help me to her heart. Freedom meets me in the middle from where we've been apart. Jeremy D. Halstead. 7-2-00 "Time is the matter, and in a matter of that all wounds will heal and all scars shall fade." |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jeremy D. Halstead - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
... and reply I shall Jeremy. The format you've penned is lovely and flowing. The rhythm and rhyme work well with the sentiments you've expressed here. If your words have found the paper from your heart, there is never failure, for the beauty I find in poetry is the variance of the reader's interpretations. I read into this, two people who have been hesitant to meet their hearts in the middle, but slowly are finding their way to each other. It's beautifully penned Jeremy, you have a wonderful talent (even if I am off-base my interpretation) LOL  Best wishes, /Kit |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I have to agree with Kit on the interpretation. I think that this is about two hesitant people trying to get to each other... and that when they get to each other, they are free. (That's probably really wrong, but I tried!) "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Jeremy- That was a great poem. I don't think it was unclear, and you definetely didn't fail. The format is good, it had a nice flow to it. You're such a good writer!! Keep it up Bel |
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TAP2 Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 211Morris, Il USA |
Hey Jeremy, Point made. No failure here. If true love is the freedom your heart longs for, then it is that love that will set you free. Hesitantcy willonly leave both of you longing for that which was lost, so take your fate in your own hands. Be honest and sincere as alwayz, and follow the path your heart makes. Great piece. TAP2 P.S. Why wasn't this a book submission? Stop giving yourself an inferiority complex. |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
ok well, last night when you read this to me you asked for sincere honesty, and that you shall receive~ Jer, this poem hold so true to many people I think at some point we all hesitate for fear of heartbreak or loss in trust. I think this is one of my favorites from you! It is worded so beautifully. You have so much within your writing and it makes you such an intriguing person! Keep this writing up I absolutely love it!! And about the failure, a good writer (or even an amateur) never fails at writing! Failure is sometimes determined by how much your work is appreciated, well, either way, (you are always praised for your writing so you have nothing to worry about) your work is anything but close to failure! Keep it up my dear friend and know that I am one of your biggest fans and no matter what you will never be a failure in my eyes!! Love ya! Love Always~*~PrYnCeSs JeSs~*~ ~*~Love is the product of our dicontentment with ourselves~*~ ~*~SMILE! It makes your butt shine!~*~ |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
Jeremy you can never fail your to good for that. can't you understand you have all these people here who love you and think your work is great just because it came from you and its meaning is within you and thats all that matters. but there is nothing wrong with this so don't feel like there is. I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson- |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Your poem is beautiful. I can't think of anything else to say for fear that I might not do you justice. Great job!!!! *~Meredith~* I am none but the angel Who sings you to sleep As you pray to God Your soul to keep *Me |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
jeremy why did you think that this poem was unclear???and why did you say you failed if we didnt like it...why do you care if we like your work???as long as you like it what does it matter...this is your work so you should like it no matter what kind of replies you get...i like almost every poem of yours that i have read...dont drag yourself down...keep up the good work buddy... ~IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY~SET IT FREE~IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU~ITS YOURS FOREVER~IF IT DOESNT IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH~ |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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