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Teen Poetry #3
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Breathless.
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Breathless. |
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
Hmm.. well, I don't like this one but I thought I'd post it anyways. comments, good and bad, are welcome!  ------------ Breathless. I’m breathless. can you tell? can you see it in these eyes, the ones you read so well? I lose the music as we glide across the floor you hold me closer just a little more... I can feel you smile as we are cheek to cheek afraid to kill the moment I dare not speak. I’m breathless. can you tell? can you feel it in this heart, the one that’s under your spell? I can feel it your hot breath on my skin my knees go weak can’t let this win... my dear heart aches as the song comes to end for then I remember us, only friends. and still... I’m breathless. *The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.* |
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| © Copyright 2000 silvrduck - All Rights Reserved | |||
DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
Wow this was awesome. i cant believe no one's replied before now. they're missin out..wow wow wow lol i really liked this. u better be postin more *dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Excellent Silvrduck! You've captured this moment in time vividly ... wonderful display of emotions and such a twist at the end, very well done indeed! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Very good, I don't know why you wouldn't like it!! I love the title! Interesting ideas here!! Prom?? xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
WoW...this is one of the best poems I've read today. You've written it so well. Post some more for us. < !signature-->Live and let live. ~*SeLf PrOcLaImEd FrEaK oF nAtUrE*~ [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 12-27-2000).] |
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tq_99 Junior Member
since 2000-11-14
Posts 45Las Vegas, NM, US |
Wow! This poem was great. I really liked it. The way the words flowed was amazing. I look forward to reading more of your work. Great job. God Bless, tq_99 "Some say a rich man has it all but if he has no friends he is nothing" |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This poem is awesome, I really love it! I really love the first two stanzas. "can you feel it in this heart, the one that’s under your spell?" This part held me back a little bit, there's just something about it that didn't flow right for me. But that's just me I think this is really good, thanks for sharing it  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Ok you know.....it's like you don't like it and that's ok. But........i'm just going to have to say that this was great. I loved it. You know.......i liked it so much im going to have to ask for your permission to see if i can put it in the Digital magazine for the Valentines Issue.......can you please e-mail me with the yes/no answer......thanks!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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DreamerGrl27 Member
since 2000-10-29
Posts 142 |
This poem was really great. You expressed your emotions so clear...it was really amazing. Great job |
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DreamerGrl27 Member
since 2000-10-29
Posts 142 |
Sorry I replied twice by accident! [This message has been edited by DreamerGrl27 (edited 12-29-2000).] |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Wow. I love it! Love the ending... too often it's true... I know for me it's happened that way. I don't know what to say other than it's awesome. Can't believe I missed it before  ~Skyfire *~Always Canadian*~ ~*~I used to be an idiot, but I'm all right now~*~ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
now this is really good. each word of each line just flowed thru when i was reading it. im very impressed. thanks for the share I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
super post! i loved the topic "my dear heart aches as the song comes to end" such good details, it send the message clear best wishes ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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I only submit songs Junior Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 16NY,NY |
im enjoying yours aswell, look at my others...give m feedback |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Beautiful post! I really enjoyed this... Nicely done --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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