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Teen Poetry #3
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What's Wrong?
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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What's Wrong? |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
What's Wrong? What's going on...what's gone wrong? I can't think or concentrate. I'm not myself. My emotions have hovered just out of sight; Like a cougar stalking it's prey. Now thwy've gripped me with their iron talons; I feel the pain as they plunge deep inside. My blood flows free from my wounds; A deep, dark red stains the ground. It pools around me, growing deeper, mixed with tears. Up to my ankles now, I see my reflection; But that's not me, can't be, can it? No, it's not me, I'm not like this, I'm different. This someone I see is in trouble. He's been hurt, wounded badly. Full of scars from other battles. This person is scared, worried; I see an anger, a rage burning in his eyes. He looks at me and speaks; Just three short words, "Let it go." I laugh and scorn in riddicule, in ignorance. He looks at me, his face downcast, his eyes filled with sadness; Shakes his head and asks me "why?" Before I can answer he is gone. I stand there full of questions, all unanswered. Who was he and why did he leave? I turn around in anger and spite. A pain shoots through my chest; I look down, my shirt stained in blood. I panic, filled with worry. Another step, more pain; Anger fills my body, my eyes burn with rage. My mind is filled with his image; Those eyes, the anger, the rage. His wounds, the blood; He was me, he is me. His words haunt me, "Let it go." Why...and how? What has happened to me; What's wrong? "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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| © Copyright 2000 John - All Rights Reserved | |||
DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
wow..pretty powerful stuff. to be honest..i dont think i completely understand the meaning of this. but im sure its something deep..keep up the great work *dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx for the reply DQ. And it's alright that you don't really understand the meaning. I was just having a really bad day and I just didn't feel like myself so that's why I wrote it. Thanx again. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
wow... Fight Club flash backs.. hehe. This was really good. very creative. Such powerful words. Great job. IsGona "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx Isgona. Glad that you liked it. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
i really enjoyed it.powerful read. i think i have the meaning. Regina |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Glad you liked it Ina. Thanx for the reply. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
WOW! i'm lost for words! katherine |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Good poem nice guy......powerful. "My hearts a tart your bodies rent. My bodies broken your's is spent"- Placebo  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thank you Katherine, glad that you liked it. I always like to hear that I've made someone speechless. Kinda makes the poem worth while you know? Thanx. |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx for the reply Dopey. I wasn't too sure how this poem was going to come out but I'm glad that you liked it. I wasn't sure if you would get a chance to read it and I was hoping that you would reply. Thanx a lot. |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Nice Job, though like Dancing Queen I am not sure of the meaning! But you have put a lot of effort into it and I know that it is a great poem!! Melz!! Dont believe what ur eyes r telling u they only show limitation. Look with ur understanding, find out what u already know & u will see the way to fly |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx Melz, glad that you liked it! |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I like the way this was written, it seemed intense. Excellent job on the poem  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx Lake. Nice to know that some people liked this one. I normally don't write stuff like this but I guess I was in a weird mood. Thanx agaim for the reply. |
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