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Teen Poetry #3
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Drowning
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Drowning |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
Vreni Drowning Cast your screams into a churning sea. Life’s not as simple as you thought it’d be. The waves whisper, frozen in motion, Silent murmurs from a defiant ocean. The storm of your life blinds you by force, You wander astray, blown off course. Powerlessly flailing, you begin to drown. The weight of memories pulls you down. I watch from my perch as you slowly sink, Steer my boat past with ne’r a blink. No savior am I, there’s no line to throw, My lack of balance has begun to show. The swells my own ship do overtake, I navigate existence, only half awake. Your cries reach the world, all but me, I’m deafened by my own roaring sea. |
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LoveAll Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 148B'dale, USA |
This is really amazing...I know how you feel sometimes. But I think that the sorrows and rough waters of life are the very things that can bind us together, because everyone is going through the same thing. I love this!!! God Bless and Keep Smiling  Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:3 |
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sherm Member
since 2000-07-21
Posts 94Evansville,IN |
this is an awesome poem sometimes it seems like i feel this way every other day it can really suck sometimes i hope your life gets better for you keep on writing, i know it always makes me feel better Its better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not |
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sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
that was wonderful! I know how it feels to not have life going as you want it to, and for it to seem like you are 'drowning'. But keep your head up things will get better! Great poem! Keep writing!! Much luv, ~*~SweetStuff~*~ ~*~GoOd fRiEnDz ArE hArD 2 FiNd, HaRdEr 2 LeAvE, & iMpOsSiBlE 2 fOrGeT~*~tHe HaRdEsT tHiNg tO Do iS wAtCh tHe 1 U LuV, lUv sUm1 eLsE~*~ |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
"Cast your screams into a churning sea. Life’s not as simple as you thought it’d be." You beginning was excellent!!! I like how this poem is written, it's truly done well. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
You explain so much in this metaphor. It's kind of sad, but I think this is my new favorite from you. Terrific job. IsGona "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow this one was very powerful.......i loved it. Very good poem Vreni, as usual.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
Thanks for all the replies! Vreni |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
"Powerlessly flailing, you begin to drown. The weight of memories pulls you down." Wow... this is a very impressive piece. I know what it's like to be pulled down by unplesant memories. You describe this beautifully. Thanks for posting! "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
"Cast your screams into a churning sea. Life’s not as simple as you thought it’d be. The waves whisper, frozen in motion, Silent murmurs from a defiant ocean. The storm of your life blinds you by force, You wander astray, blown off course. Powerlessly flailing, you begin to drown. The weight of memories pulls you down. I watch from my perch as you slowly sink, Steer my boat past with ne’r a blink. No savior am I, there’s no line to throw, My lack of balance has begun to show. The swells my own ship do overtake, I navigate existence, only half awake. Your cries reach the world, all but me, I’m deafened by my own roaring sea." I'm quoting the whole poem and not just a few lines cause I think the whole thing is just marvelous. You have a way with words. I saw your reply to my poem, and yes, i do think im not in the same level as you are at all. Not even close. It just leads me to envy  GEEZ, you are so goodPlease do me a favor and read this poem of mine and tell me what you think...It would really mean a lot to me, specially from a great writer such as you here's a link to the poem and thanks: /pip/Forum36/HTML/002368.html I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Excuse me while I pick my jaw up from the floor...then maybe I'll be able to explain what this made me feel... |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
Lovebug - thanks for the replies! acire - Thanks for the compliments, but dear, I still maintain that you should feel no jealousy towards one whose work is very unenchanting! thanks again, and I will be sure to give you some feedback on your poem. Child - thanks for replying, though I don't know why your jaw was on the floor...maybe you should get that checked out? Lol j/k Vreni |
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