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Teen Poetry #3
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The Taken Soldier (Replies needed!)
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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The Taken Soldier (Replies needed!) |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair 
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I guess this poem has to do with how a lot of soldiers may not get to see home this Christmas. My heart goes out to them. The Taken Soldier The dark overcast sky on this formidable day Captures an inanimate soul and takes him away The war calls left his sobbing family astray For if his life is seized, someone will pay An unholy battlefield of vengeance dwells Bullets and cannons blacken the light sky Soldiers conglomerate in death holes below Bodies are slaughtered as one by one they die The general shouts loud, "Fire! Mow them down!" "Like a scythe?" asks a soldier from the ground "Tear them up good! Leave not one soul alive!" Like lemmings they did 'til backup arrived They lined the enemy up, all the rank and file Machine guns exploded, not one in denial Not many survived back to camp to write back home Some barely clenched an eye as enemies did roam "Dear Mother," a letter was started so soft But soon grew harsh as it described the war Weary grew the soldier, the letter he tore For it was a little too gruesome to be sent aloft The days of holiday soon became so near Seperated from his family, and full of fear He started a new letter of sadness and tear A Christmas without love, he couldn't bare As the time became thin, the war seemed ending It seemed so right for this event to start mending The treaty was signed, and the battles forgotten So many dead bodies were left to become rotten A family is reunited under the mysterious sky The letter came soon after, saying he might die Inside was a death note, some doubt he would last "Mourn for me not, but don't leave me in the past." Jeremy D. Raulinaitis 12/12/00 "...if you've never met me, then you've no right to judge me. I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly." ~DMX~ |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was simply amazing. I loved every word of this. So touching jeremy.....This is the best poem of yours yet!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Wow... this is a very impressive piece. It's sad to think that the people who faught in our nation's wars are so often forgotten.. "Left in the past". Thank you for posting this beautiful reminder of who paid for our freedom. "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Jeremy, Very well written as usual, you're talent is well used on these types of poems. Great work  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
This is really great. Terrific poem and a subject that really needed some attention. Keep up the good work IsGona "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
i know its been some time since Ive posted but i gotta say i really appreciate these responses, youve chosen such nice words to say. Dopey- you really thought this was my best? wow, thanks dude. LoveBug- they need our thanks and prayers and so do their families because im sure its tough to have Christmas without family. Lakewalker- kind words as usual, thanks for all your support. IsGona- thanks a bunch, it means a lot that others care. "...if you've never met me, then you've no right to judge me. I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly." ~DMX~ |
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kimmy Member
since 2000-07-31
Posts 98 |
wow...this was a great expression of truth to all of the soldiers who have fought and lived or died...thanx for sharing it..it was great... |
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Minister of Dissonance Junior Member
since 2000-12-10
Posts 20 |
admirable work, slightly labored read, might consider working on consistant rhyme scheme and meter, one of the best i've read thus far *sheer* the great dissonant one |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
kimmy- im glad you feel this way too. MOD- thanks for the criticism. ill try to take it into consideration. "...if you've never met me, then you've no right to judge me. I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly." ~DMX~ |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
*bump any more replies? "...if you've never met me, then you've no right to judge me. I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly." ~DMX~ |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Wow. This was really amazing...really amazing... thank you for giving us a chance to read it. I welcome this poem to my library. ~Carly |
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a_little_girl Member
since 2000-05-08
Posts 307San Alejandro, HI, USA |
*sniffles* This is so tragic... --Little Girl |
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~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
I love this poem! It is by far one of the best that i have seen on here. It is so sad that people forget the men (and women) who fight for this country. You have done a wonderful job of opening up everyone's eyes. Thanks --Valerie *do not offer yourself to the world, yet let the world offer itself to you*--Me :) |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
wow, thanks everyone, it means a lot... great to hear such appreciation in this forum.. jeremy r "...if you've never met me, then you've no right to judge me. I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly." ~DMX~ |
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apsara Member
since 2000-11-09
Posts 70 |
amazing... simply amazing apsara |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
thanks a lot for the compliments, any more replies before I let it to dust? "...if you've never met me, then you've no right to judge me. I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly." ~DMX~ |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
J- Oh my! Where have u been! Where have I been, huh??! This was amazziing!!! I loved it, you have such a wonderful feel for describing the lives of others....this was so great, truely....I've missed so much. U wanna email me some of u're poems that I've missed?? Talk to u soon, maybe over vacation when I get time....take care Salma |
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