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Teen Poetry #3
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too blind to see? --- on my knees, begging for replies :(
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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too blind to see? --- on my knees, begging for replies :( |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
If I’m still here when all the stars have finally burnt out, < !signature-->And the moon has decided to forever hide in the dark Will you give me one more chance to prove to you... How I miss you so much, how my love is really true If I’m still here when the seas eventually run dry, And all the angels have descended from the skies Will you open your heart, your soul to me again... Have you in my arms forever, and love you till the end If I’m still here when all hope and dreams are forever gone, When days and nights no longer rise out of the horizon Will you come back to me and take good care of my heart... Keep it, and promise that you’ll never ever tear it apart If I’m still here though destiny has shown me another way, Defied the will of the Gods, and promised I’m here to stay Will you eventually say you feel the same way for me... Or tell me that I’m just dreaming, I’m just too blind to see I forgot to put this at first, but i want to explain that this poem i wrote is my continuation to DancinQueen's "would you regret" poem. I really think that her poem is really beautiful and not to mention sweet and romantic in a way. And the style she used in that poem i kinda copied, that's the only way for me to make a contiuation of her poem. So DQ, here's to you  I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR [This message has been edited by acire (edited 12-12-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 acire - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
...amazing. It was amazing. Say hello to my library...amazing, just amazing...< !signature--> I've had enough tears through all my years, time to face my fears and smile again [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (edited 12-11-2000).] |
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Hallie_Angel Member
since 2000-12-06
Posts 102 |
koo!!! |
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kimmy Member
since 2000-07-31
Posts 98 |
i loved this poem...it was great writing..i hope i read more... |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I totally agree with Child of the Stars, awesome! Jon |
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Minister of Dissonance Junior Member
since 2000-12-10
Posts 20 |
idealistic, not sure how i feel about this one *desimated* the great dissonant one |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Yes, I would catagorize this "idealistic" maybe a little naive, or gullable as well.  I hope that the person you wrote this for is worth that much of your heart and soul. You are giving up a great deal of it. I do like this, however, and there is nothing wrong with wishing for a happy ending. Great work.  xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
hey babe If you tell me this is your last poem im gonna shoot you. i'll drive to chicago and force you to write more and post here. because you know how much i love your work. and this is now my ultimate favorite of yours. i felt every word of it, and i wish so bad i could tell you everything will work out the way you want it to. but that doesnt always happen, but i know u'll make the best out of whatever goes down. keep your chin up and u know im here thro WHATEVER you're going thro. dont ever hesitate to talk to me. ooo..and not to change the subject...but i asked my mom bout the modeling thing just for you  and shes gonna call down in and Indy and see what she can come up with. I'm going thro it just for you! But my friend Nicole is gonna do it with me, so i'll keep you updated and krap. But that should make it easier to do like music videos and krap when i get in college. so im excited!! Thanks for puttin the bug in my ear, newho..keep up the great work ..or else!! Bye babe**¤Kilez ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wonderful Acire! Beautifully expressed ... the longing and desire pours through these lovely lines ... well done! Best wishes, /Kit |
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dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
great job! loved it! don't think you need to stay on your knees long! everyone likes this so much, they'll all read your poems, and reply. but yeah, i know the feeling! i used to never get replies! ....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice anything for the sake of it.... |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
WOW! AWESOME!  |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Acire~ WOW WOW WOW!!!!!I am so amazed with this piece. It is just perfect. I feel like I am speechless which is very rare. Way to go buddy!! I am so proud of this one from you. Keep it up my friend. This is gonna be in my library. 2 thumbs up for you!!! Good job!!! Now take a bow!! P.S.~Sorry I didnt answer you earlier. I was playing spades and I didnt know till I closed it that you IM'ed me. People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts. |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Beuitiful thaughts. "Or tell me that I’m just dreaming, I’m just too blind to see" Sounds to good not to be a dream, but I hope for you that this is real. IsGona "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
WOW that was awesome!! I know how it feels, I hope it all works out good for you. Great poem, keep writing!! Much Luv, ~*~Priscilla~*~< !signature--> ~*~GoOd fRiEnDz ArE hArD 2 FiNd, HaRdEr 2 LeAvE, & iMpOsSiBlE 2 fOrGeT~*~tHe HaRdEsT tHiNg tO Do iS wAtCh tHe 1 U LuV, lUv sUm1 eLsE~*~ [This message has been edited by sweetstuff101 (edited 12-12-2000).] |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This one is very well done, as usual, you're an excellent writer in my opinion. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Everyone --- thanks all for the replies see i'm smilingErin --- sup cheese cake? thanks for the nice reply. Speechless? hmmmmm...you were to when i was trying to talk to you on aim just kidding i just thought you were ignoring me or something DQ --- sup sweet peach? thanks for the awesome reply, but i think you missed something though. This poem i wrote cause i was sooooooo inspired by the last poem you wrote. I thought it was so beautiful. So, this is like my continuation to yours Hope you don't mind me doing that sweets. Maybe that's why you like it amongst the rest of the poems i've shared. And hey peach, there you go...i told ya you should do something about it. Glad you are. Just don't forget us little people when you've made it up there. Can't wait to see you on the cover of Vogue or whatever you girls read I should've written the explanation on how this poem came about. Thanks for the inspiration...lates sweetsI see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
*bump* signature-->¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ [This message has been edited by DancinQueen (edited 12-12-2000).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was a sweet continuation of her poem. Good job!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
After all those times you claimed you couldn't write! This is great, acire, very very well-written! Kudos! Vreni |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
thanks for the bump sweets sup Dopes.....haven't seen you in a while hey peanogrl83 --- this dont come close to yours, but i'd like you to read another poem of mine and tell me what you think. here's the link...if not ill bump it up /pip/Forum36/HTML/002368.html I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
Hey there... wow I really loved this one Acire. Very open and honest. Haven't been around the forum in awhile and I'm glad this is the first thing I read now that i'm back. Never stop writing. ~Kristin~ ~*Won't you come and hold my hand? This world has taken me as far as it can... without your smile.~* ~*If I never said I'm sorry, then I'm wrong, |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
WOW!! this is soooo beautiful! its amazing!! keep it up! ~*Pixie*~ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
hey Kristin, glad you liked it Coming from you it's a real honor hey Pixie, thanks so much for the reply. Glad you liked it too I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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TrueLUV Member
since 2000-07-19
Posts 158Connecticut, U.S.A. |
This poem is truly one that will stay with me and my memory for as long as I remain on this holy earth...This one I will pass down to my kin KEEP IT UP |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Very well written, m'dear =) and I don't think it falls under the naive category either, I know it's much easier for people to say one person isn't worth so much time nor effort after they put us through so much turmoil and well love isn't supposed to be like that anyways but still even though it might not seem like it or I could be wrong and interpret your poem so wrong or any of your poems but you'll get over it in time at your own pace I'm sure you know this already I tend not to give out my thoughts to anyone because anyone can say something and think they know all the answers and are god's gift to whatever but as the years go bye their names and faces will still linger on always and forever, we all face an eternity with people we love I know I'm facing a few right now but I still have hope that the right one is out there and someone will love me for me and show me the guidance that I truly need in my life..but anywho I hope this sounded somewhat ok and not to hypocritical *hehehe go me and my bad spelling* But do take care, time heals all scars don't let anyone else tell you other wise..Love, Kristen |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
WOW! great poem i love it |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
thanks guys Thanks for all the positive replies. Except for one I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Very nice Acire. It had a really great flow of it all the way through and a near perfect rhyme scheme. Wonderful imagery and you have a fantastic talent. You need to post some more of this fabulous poetry. It's not right that you deprive us. ~AF~ "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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