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Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A

0 posted 2000-07-01 03:38 AM

Smoke

A chore it is to fill my soul
with air that's pure and clean.
So much resin and blackened dust
from the burned out fires of dreams.

A chore it is, a chore you did-
you conquered all the smoke.
For that time, the tiem we shared
I didn't have to choke.

Out of my soul, out of my pores
the ashes swept from me.
Into my heart, into my veins
pulsed what seemed so meant to be.

Into the time, the time I could breathe-
I saw your flames grow weak.
Hard I tried to hold the air.
For the air I now must seek.

Out of your mouth, into my mouth,
my heart, and my soul
came the dusky, redundent smoke
I saw coming long ago.

Jeremy D. Halstead 12/24/99

"Time is the matter, and in a matter of that all wounds will heal and all scars shall fade."

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

1 posted 2000-07-01 03:44 AM

Another vote. and i feel this is a very powerful poem is seems to speak to me somehow. its truely wonderful. so do keep it up.

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-

StarPryncess17
Senior Member

since 2000-05-31

Posts 932
Colorado

2 posted 2000-07-01 07:16 PM

Wonderful stanzas and great use of adjectives, but I'm lost. sorry!!

anyways, I suppose it has a certain meaning to you and for the first time I can't figure it out. I guess it's just one of your talents as you always leave me wanting more. I can't tell you what t his poem means to you because well I'm not you but I can tell you what it means to me. anywho, I'm talking too much all the damn time. Nicely done Jeremy! Love Always~*~Jessica~*~

~*~Love is the product of our dicontentment with ourselves~*~
~*~SMILE! It makes your butt shine!~*~

jennie may*
Member

since 2000-06-17

Posts 122

3 posted 2000-07-01 07:21 PM

I love love love--it's mysteriously beautiful. Love the metaphorical use of smoke. The first two lines touched me personally.

Chel
Senior Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA

4 posted 2000-07-01 10:08 PM

This poem touched me very much. I enjoyed reading it very much. It made me think about someone in my life. Keep up the good work.

Chel

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

5 posted 2000-07-01 11:04 PM

Very powerful and sorrowful work here. The smoke metaphor is very well used...I like this a lot! Keep up the excellent work!

*Krista Knutson*

"We are not seperate from spirit, we are in it." ~Plotinus~

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

6 posted 2007-11-22 05:27 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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